Godsdamnit, this is a full-fledged waking nightmare. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.
The ritual progresses, and I wait outside until all that’s left is the soreness in my body as I press myself against the cavern wall.
When a head peeks out of the cave, I straighten, pushing away all other effects lingering inside my body. I smile and approach Abi as she exits.
Her face is tear-streaked, and she grins like she’s seen light for the first time. To say I’m not intrigued would be a lie, but I didn’t get a stone so there is no reason in wishing. Swallowing my sourness, I take her hand.
“And? Let me see,” I press.
She smiles at me and pulls down the top of her tunic. Her Fuegorra crystal sits neatly next to her heart.
My eyebrows raise.
“It’s lovely.” I kiss her forehead. “Well done,amiga.”?1
While inspecting Paoli’s gem, Estela meets my eye and frowns.
She knows I didn’t reach for my gem. I see the question in her face and try to escape. Though small, she catches up to me.
“What happened?” she demands, clearly referencing my lack of crystal.
I wince. I didn’t get it because I’m going back. All that work to flee Zlosa, and now I’m returning to the lion’s den.
“I didn’t want to do the ritual. All right?”
“Why not?”
Goodfuck. Does she never stop?
I turn back around, glaring at her. The reason sits on the tip of my tongue, but King Teo told me not to tell his wife aboutanything. Not the body, or the plan—certainly not about the deal we’ve made.
“Why don’t you ask your husband?” I push away from her.
Her eyes burn hot on my back, but I’m not ready to talk to her about leaving. I don’t want her to try to talk me out of it. Her pity would be even worse.
She knew I was a comfort woman, but she doesn’t know about my family. Nor will I tell her the lengths I’ve gone through to protect them. I’ll be damned before I let her judge me.
I’m one of the first to leave the tunnels, and I don’t bother looking for Ra’Sa. He would want to comfort me, but my plans for him only work if he cares for me… not the other way around.
If he holds me, I’ll crack. I can’t let these feelings grow. My attachment to him makes me hesitate to do what is necessary.
I can’t ever do that.
When my house comes into view, I let out a sigh. It doesn’t take me long to push inside and go to my bed in the back. I drop down and pull out a small pouch from my belongings.
Undoing the drawstrings, I pull out a rag doll and a necklace. The jewelry was made of Estela’s wedding dress—the cord braided stone silk and pendant a golden button.
She gave it to me while I helped her dress in captivity and convinced me to come with her.
The doll… it’s made of homespun fabric and has a small puff of a cottony substance for the head. The face is drawn with berry dye.
The girls made this for me so I wouldn’t forget them.
I leave the necklace on the bed and hug the doll close.
I do this so Thea and Wren will nevereverbe forced into a breeding pen, or picked up by a giant in a field. They will live good, full lives for themselves. Free.
My eyes burn.