“Please, stop this.” My mother’s hands return and cup either side of my face. “I know you do this because you believe yourself the man of our home. A leader. But it’s just us. You do not need to do this for me.”
I grit my teeth. “I don’t do it only for you; I also do it for Tirin. He died so that I might have this.”
“And what do you want?”
When I don’t answer, my mother shakes her head. “Your father wouldn’t have wanted this, and neither would yourbrother. Tirin died so you could have a mate, not just suffer through what should be the most beautiful, sacred song of your lifetime.”
I detest when she invokes my father. Ra’Tirsa was the greatest man I’d ever known. He served in one of the nine battalions that protected the king’s treasures during the First Great War.
He taught me everything I know about being a man. Because of him, I know how to keep my head in the face of chaos. To trust myself when all others doubt me. He showed me true honor. Strength.
How can my mother think that I have cast all of those lessons to the wayside?
“Enough. It is my choice. Iamthe one who leads this family—I am the only one left.”
My mother drops her arms and steps away from me. “So this is how it will be?”
I nod. “Yes. I will tell you when I have met the woman.”
Her mouth opens, but then thinks better of her words.
“I will return tomorrow to help you clean the rest of your home,” I say, brushing out of the space and gently closing the door behind me.
For a second, I stand there.
My chest goes concave. Many things pass through my mind, but mostly I ache. It’s a familiar pain that has become so broad and blunt that it’s hard to identify what part of my innards it pierces.
I look up at the top of Enduvida, observing the familiar inky blackness accentuated with crystals and pretty bobbles.
Things are quieter now, but my body sags against the door. It would be wise to unwind before attempting to sleep.
Chapter 5
MELISA
Inever imagined that I’d be wandering through tunnels filled with glow-spiders, cave bears, and these trolls who call themselves Enduares, but here we are. Deep underground. Far from the sunlight that used to warm me every morning.
Shortly after arriving and being swept up in a sea of blue folk, we were fed and found places to sleep. When I didn’t see Ra’Sa, I decided to continue exploring. I looked inside empty houses and around corners and found mushrooms, small beasts with glowing eyes, and no shortage of wonders.
Begrudgingly, I fully accepted that Estela had been telling the truth about this place.
Blood doesn’t stain the walls, and there are hundreds of gentle monsters willing to help the humans.
I need to get Thea and Wren here as quickly as possible, ideally before their birthdays in a few weeks.
Griselda… well. I don’t know if Griselda would come.
As we trekked back from Zlosa, I’d pictured myself touring Enduvida in a few hours and then making my decision. Regardless of my choice, I would leave the city. Either to go for my family, or return to hell on earth.
That plan crumbled when I saw the Enduares and elves fighting those beasts. I saw their dead bodies. They had teeth and claws.
I don’t know how to fight. Navigating across terrains as brutal as the ones we crossed are for those with more worldly experience.
In the last hour, traversing through tunnels, I’d considered finally seducing Ra’Sa and asking him to take me. The worry with that option is that he will report to the Enduar king, and everyone will start asking questions about where I am going.
I don’t think I’m ready to tell them about the girls yet.
Estela could be an option. She is kind and might keep my secret.