Then he brushes my hair, rubbing the strands between his fingers, and says, "Did you visit the girls?"
I shake my head.
"I can’t—not until I finish all the laundry.”
He looks confused. “How would she know?”
“She probably asked one of the guards to watch me. If I leave before finishing, I risk returning to the pit.”
Ra’Sa bristles. “Never.”
I reach out and take his hand.
“I will work hard and finish fast. It should only take a few days. Though, I am worried. Hibsej took the gem I was going to give them."
He strokes my back. "Wait for me to go with you. I will bring them gifts."
I look up at him. "Really?"
He nods.
My head spins. I want to let this happiness swallow me up, but something holds me back. A very big complication.
“What happens when Eneko comes back?” I blurt out. “He’s where we get most of our information.”
“I know.”
“Ra’Sa, you can’t keep wanting me like this. I am… I’m not someone for you to love.”
“I disagree, especially after what we just did.”
“I worry I’ll break your heart. And shatter my own along the way.”
“Perhaps as a young boy, I would’ve made such a mistake. But I have seen the world as black and white and everything inbetween. I would be a fool to think I could want you so and not accept the parts of you that have formed your soul. This is the mission. One day, it will end. What I feel for you will not.”
His eyes, those damned blue eyes that have haunted my dreams, stare straight into my soul. His perception is too intense. Too wholly consuming.
I don’t like it.
I made a mistake when I picked him for his sculpted arms and gentle tongue. This was supposed to be for the twins.
Between us, our breaths mix. My hand rests on his strong, beating heart.
I swallow, trying to bring moisture back into my suddenly parched mouth, all the while knowing that his heart beats in time with my own.
I bite my lip. “I still don’t understand… this.”
“We will have a lifetime to learn.”
His hand moves under the blanket and strokes my thigh, "Can we do it again?"
I bite my lip, but something pops into my head. “I thought you needed to send a message to the king and queen?”
He groans. “Damnit. You are right.”
“What happened at the meeting you were at?” I ask, rolling over.
There’s nothing calculated about this, not as he holds me. We are just existing. It feels nice.