I nod.
“They—I…” she stumbles.
I take her hand. “It’s all right. I know.”
A long breath wooshes out of her. “No one else can know.”
A word Melisa said earlier returns:Birthday.
When I went, they were sad that she hadn't visited. A pang goes through my heart—for Melisa, for what she is forced to do, for being pulled so far away from the young girls, and for the two little ones who live with that strange woman.
“Why do they stay with your mother?”
She looks away, silent for a while. “I… am not a good candidate for motherhood. But I was forced to have them. I suppose I could’ve stopped that, but then I found out, and after the grief and the worry, something flickered on in my heart. I was protective. Iwantedthem.” She frowns, as this makes her feel ashamed. “I knew there were two.”
Her hair shifts around her, disrupting the stillness of the night. She looks so defeated.
“Your mother doesn’t seem to care for them well.”
She looks at me. “She used to do a better job.”
“Is that why they are with her?”
She sighs. “If I don’t tell you, will you just rummage through my mind?”
The shock must be apparent on my face because she shakes her head.
“In the slave pens, if you fall pregnant, they tell the man. Sometimes, he lives with you; sometimes, he spends part of the time with you. I couldn’t do that. So I worked. For as long as possible, wrapping my stomach, wearing loose clothes, and keeping hidden. There was never enough food. I was weak and thin. And then, when I had them, I didn’t rest.”
She hides her face. “I worked with animals. Not men—at least not yet.”
I watch her, listening closely.
“Eneko picked me. He offered food for my family—a perk for whores. There still wasn’t enough to eat for the four of us. Griselda’s joints were always swollen. So I said yes. I left them as crying babes to join a man’s bed.”
I blink. “My gods, Melisa.”
She peers up at me.
“You did your b?—”
“Don’t.Don’t lie to me and tell me I did my best,” she closes her eyes and looks away, as if it could hide away all of her shame.
It doesn’t matter that it’s wrong.
"Your secret is safe with me."
"Promise me, Enduar," she says, looking back at me sternly. "You say your kind always keeps your word. Swear it."
"I swear it upon our matehood," I say softly.
She nods, then shifts her weight from one foot to the other and curses under her breath. A second later, she twirls her finger. "Turn around."
I do and focus on something else as she sneaks away to empty her bladder. While continuing to keep my distance from her, I count the days until Eneko returns.
On the one hand, having her awake is a good thing. On the other hand, having her awake and having him return any day worries me greatly. I drag my hand over my face when I hear her curse again.
I turn back, debating whether I should say anything as I approach.