I grit my teeth. "Fated to the Butcher of Giants. Do you not understand that I killed humans for her? My mission was to be close. I killed her comfort slave to get her attention, and then I—”
Her honeyed amber eyes flash up toward me—intense, as if she's seeing me for the first time.
“I’ve seen your scars, Estela, and they don't scare me. I think, however, that I still scare you. It is wise to fear the monsters in the dark.” She doesn’t react when my words leave my mouth, so I continue. “My father raised me to be someone very different than I am, but do not ever think I did not intend to kill every last giant who touched you.”
“You are an Enduar. You are strong enough to make those choices,” she snaps back.
“You are an Enduar now, too. The Queen of the Enduares.”
She glares at me, but it lacks the venom I’ve come to know from her. “You wish for that. How does a slave become a queen?”
I lean forward, unable to resist. The honesty flowing between us is sweet. “How did the whoring son of a king become a leader? He learned.”
Her gaze peers into my soul. “You dream too much.”
My tail stirs. “You should see what we do in my dreams.” My tail slides up, the furry end tracing her delicate face. She gasps and then shivers. I feel a sense of victory as she responds to my touch. I have dreamt of this moment for so long, and now that it is here, I can’t help but crave more. The crystals in my chest hum with anticipation as I step closer to her.
I lean in, my lips hovering above hers, close enough to taste her sweet breath. “I can make them a reality, Estela.”
She closes her eyes, her breaths shallow and fast. Afraid of what she feels. “You shouldn’t.”
“But I want to,” I whisper, my hand cupping her cheek. “I want you splayed onmybed, callingmyname while I pleasure you senseless, Estela. It’s as easy as breathing, and not just because you are my mate. I did not expect to find you, especially not at my age. Do you know that the first time I heard your voice, saw you, I felt hope. Like light shining in a dark cave. Then you came to dinner, with your hair long—Enduar women only wear their hair down with their lovers. I wanted to take you away then, and braid your hair so no one could see how enticing you looked with it brushing your waist.” Just thinking about it, about having someone to perform that ceremony with, made my insides hurt. My skin is tight, over sensitive. “Please, Estela. Taste what you are missing.”
Her eyes flutter open to half-moons, depicting a mixture of desire and fear. “I—I’ve never...”
I breathe deep. “I can smell that you want me too,” I reply, my thumb brushing over her bottom lip. “They hurt you. Let me show you what it means to be whole.”
A moan escapes her lips, and she leans into my touch. “What if I say that is just the crystal making me feel this way?”
“Then I’ll leave you be,” I say firmly.“Or we can speak about the thoughts that weigh you down. About Dyrn. Anything you wish. Just, be with me.”
For a few seconds, it is just the two of us suspended in time. Mouths hovering close. None of this conversation went how I was expecting—I was sure she would try to hit me again and shove me away—but the scene in the dining hall changed her.
“Teo.” The sound of my own name brushes my lips. “This is only happening because I’m hurting. Everything is changing too fast.”
Her words cut through my haze of desire, and I step back, giving her space. “I understand,” I say softly and back away.
She nods. “I—” she stops. “We are both quite thoroughly ruined, aren’t we?”
"Yes." I murmur, keeping a distance between us.It hurts to step away from her, but it could be worse. I’ve given her the knife to cut my heart out, and she’s left it on the table.
“I miss my brother like I would miss breathing, but I’m tired of pretending that it doesn’t hurt me when one of you dies.” She looks up at me, then reaches her hand up before realizing her mistake and letting it fall back down to her side. “I must prepare for the ceremony with Dyrn.”
I pause. “What about the window?”
She looks at me long and hard, “Cover it. I won’t run again. Time under this mountain has addled my mind, and there’s something comforting about knowing I have you to come for me when I need help.” Then she turns and walks back to her room, and closes the door, effectively leaving me alone in the hallway. I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.
It is like the ground beneath my feet has shifted, and I walk on new ground. Everything is disorienting. So close to breaking through, but there is still a chasm of space between us. Frustrated, I storm back out of my room and face my duty as a king. One week, two deaths. I need to make sure that my people are protected—we simply can’t lose any more Enduares.
I also leave to prepare for the ceremony.
* * *
Estela came.She held her hands up with the singers and wept with the rest of us. Like a true queen mourning her fallen soldier. It would have been a sight to behold, except numbness has sunk into my bones after watching the water take Dyrn away to the ocean, and now, all that is left is the unnaturally cold air in Enduvida. It causes fear to tighten my chest. The pumps should keep the temperature steady from day to day. Whatever those mists bring, it isn’t good.
After quickly crossing the bridge and making my way to the residential section, I find myself on Vann’s doorstep.
Svanna and her mate live next door, but I am still surprised when the sound of a crying Sama precedes Iryth walking up to me. She looks tired, and I instinctively reach for the babe. It takes less than a second for Sama to be passed into my arms so that I can rock him.