His energy changes.
“Wait, have you found someone?” For a second, he doesn't respond and I think he will tell me yes.
Then he shakes his head. "No."
I purse my lips. "The humans will warm to us in time. We will offer them a good life." It is my job as king to let others see all sides, even if my heart is breaking.
Vann raises an eyebrow, but doesn't respond. He's been with me long enough to know when I'm in a foul mood. "So, what next, My Lord?" he asks instead.
"The elves have been silent since the negotiations after the war. However, since we have signed a contract with the giants for peace, we should establish a line of communication. Let them know that we would like to rekindle our allyship."
"Do you think they've forgiven us for lying to them?" Vann asks.
I frown. "My father lied to them. I did not." In fact, I could not have lied to them, I was on a very different mission.
"Yes, but the elves see you as an extension of your father. He was the one who trained you for this role, so you will harbor some of his... philosophies." Vann leans forward and picks up the copy of the peace agreement. "I have been poring over these words. Trying to find any clues as to why the giants are so obsessed with the diamonds. For a long time, I didn’t question, but since you have brought it up to me, it makes perfect sense. What if the elves already have a secret relationship with the giants?"
I shake my head and my jaw clenches at the idea. "Unlikely. Elves are notoriously isolationist. It took twenty-five years to broker the peace treaty with them the first time." I move to the window and stare out at the cavern in front of us. It is not what it once was, but it is beautiful. Surely Estela should be able to see that with time.
Vann nods. "Very well. I will send someone to retrieve your message soon."
I take a seat in front of him. "Make it Turalyon. He has a good head on his shoulders, I think he would be well suited to diplomacy with Lothar."
My oldest friend nods, glancing back at the scrolls he's left scattered on the desk.
"Thank you, Vann.” My eyes burn as he stands. Tirin is one death of many. I think of Estela’s cowering form and visit the darkness in my soul. When my father sent me to seduce and murder the queen, there were slaves in Zlosa that Lijasa ordered slaughtered to prove my devotion.
Estela’s words about change plague me. And I allow myself the time it takes to dwell on my pain. She was right—it doesn’t matter if I save most of my people and free dozens of slaves, stains like Tirin, like those nameless faces, are never washed away.
It takes me a moment to realize that Vann is still in the doorway, waiting for me as he often does when observing me lost in thought. “Are you sure you are all right?”
“We don’t speak of the war often,” I say, staring at the gilded swirl on the end of a stone paper scroll.
“Would you like to?” he breathes.
I hear the discomfort in his voice. His wounds are as deep as mine. “Do you have regrets?”
“Are you referring to Tirin? He honored us all by his action.” Vann crosses his arms and puts his missing fingers on display.
I shake my head. He is silent for a moment, and then says, “Yes.”
“Do you believe in second chances?” I ask, still staring at that scroll.
He smirks. “Perhaps life is one big chance.”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Everyone has regrets, brother.”
“I think I have more than others. They are starting to catch up with me. Staining my soul, weighing me down. I-I am tired.” How can I tell him that I think what happened with Estela is well deserved?
He shakes his head. “One of the hardest consequences of our actions is having to live with the choices we thought were right at the moment.” He comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder.
Silence stretches between us. “I need to do something for Estela,” I say at last.
Vann raises an eyebrow. "After her trying to kill you?"
"Yes. When we made our marriage agreement, her terms included a brother who she wants saved. He was one of the slaves that came with the last caravan—the only one taken back to Zlosa. She is... protective of him. If we can retrieve her brother, she might cease to be a liability and a danger to herself and to me."