He had pulled me against his chest. It was as if Erik had known what was running through my brain. The problem was… he didn’t really know. How could he?
His eagerness ignored my inexperience. Romance had always been off the table for the King’s daughter. Surely Erik had an inkling of what King Phelix was like. But, how could he know that I was truly afraid of my father's wrath? I’d never even been on a date. If I had slept with someone, what little worth my father saw in me would have been swept away by the vicious eddies of the ocean.
Even thinking about it now causes me to become paralyzed in terror.
Inch by inch, I peel Erik’s arm away from me and roll out from under his leg. He is so peaceful, so deep in his sleep that he doesn’t even stir. I run a mental finger over the tattoos scrawled over his chest. In the early morning light, they look even more intriguing than they did on the deck.
Looking at him, watching him, fills me with longing. It tugs at my heartstrings, andalmostmakes me want to stay.
Almost.
But it is foolish to throw a kingdom away for a man. If my father finds out that I was ever here, he might just have me assassinated, and give my crown to Hallie just to spite me. Besides, who’s to say that Erik won’t use last night against me? He knows my greatest weakness and that terrifies me. It almost renders everything else void that we’ve been through because he is a man and he can hurt me.
I tug my sweater over my shirt and pad upstairs to the kitchen. Jean Luc is already cooking breakfast. I exhale a mouth full of the savory-scented air. Gods, he is a good cook.
“Maddie,” he calls when he pops out from the door to the kitchen.
I tense, unsure how to not be awkward in this situation. Finding no better course of action, I cast him a tentative wave.
His expression isn’t stern, but it’s a far cry from the usual friendly smile he gives me. He looks pensive. “Maddie, I want what’s best for you. And I know what those men said affected you. I just don’t think it was the right decision to beat half of them within an inch from death.”
I cross my arms defensively.
“Ah, my dear,” he rests his elbows on the bar. “You really do remind me of my wife. She was always so convinced that she had to earn respect from every person who looked down on her.”
My eyes turn to the floor and I consider leaving. I really don’t want to hear what he has to say.
“She was wrong then, and you are wrong now,” he says. “You do not earn the respect of those who aren’t fit to lick your boots. You leave them be. Let them live their miserable, bitter lives. Otherwise, you lose what is so precious about you—your spark, your vitality. My Morna didn’t learn that lesson until it was too late. But you... you still have a chance to change the way your life is going. Listen to me, Maddie. You are better than them. Let their words roll off your back. It’s not worth it.”
It’s still just the two of us in the mess hall, and I feel tears pricking in my eyes. The urge to toss myself on the wooden laminate floor like a crumpled-up piece of paper sounds better by the second.
How does Jean Luc know so much? He seems to know exactly how I’m feeling all the time. How can he ever understand that my entire life had been spent trying to earn the approval of a man I wouldn’t hesitate to decimate in real life? King Phelix is the worst sort of being, but he is still my father. Somewhere in the hundred years of lectures on the importance of family, that much had stuck in my brain.
Between last night and this morning, I am feeling too vulnerable. It makes me want to start hitting people or stabbing them.
My webbed hand flies up just as Jean Luc opens his mouth to speak once more. Hurt flashes in his eyes at my dismissal just as I turn around and stomp up the stairs. The fresh, salty air invigorates me, and I no longer feel like the walls are closing in.
I wander to a secluded spot on the deck, near where the fighting took place yesterday. I am surrounded by cargo, a small pocket of peace just for me. The feeling of the cool metal against my skin grounds me. The ocean, which usually stretches out in every direction, is blocked straight ahead. The water is more choppy here, behaving like a lover scorned.
Not for the first time, I think about how I will be the one to command it soon enough. When I take my father’s crown, the birthright power will flow through me and irrevocably connect me to the sea.
I am the granddaughter of the old gods. But even still, they hated my father after the rebellion. They limited him like a dolphin on a leash. Many consider the Ice Mer’s kingdom too large… but it is a mere shadow of what it once was. I was not yet born when the rebellion took place. Perhaps, if I do well with Uncle Aidoneus, the gods will bestow me with the full rights meant to be endowed to the Merfolk crown.
The early morning sunlight is fading as more and more mist billows up from the water. An unexpected chill sweeps across the waves and bites into my hands and feet.
And then the mists curl in obedience to the wind. It’s as if the waters want me to follow them—to show me something.
I suck in a breath as the first view of the Gates of Hell fills my vision. The jagged black mountains split the thick, gray fog and threaten to pierce the heavens like the ancient weapons of warmongers.
Sweat collects in my palms, and a tremor starts in my knees. It’s just as the story says. The gods only leave this region alone because they fearhim. They would be fools not to. The King of the Daemons lives there—the man who single-handedly decides the fate of us once we die. Second in power only to the King of the Angels. Both uncles whom I have never had the pleasure of meeting.
“There you are,” a deep voice says. The timbre of it makes the hair stand up on my arms. It is the voice that accompanied me in hot kisses and feverish dreams.
Fixing my face into a playful mask, I turn around. I have no desire for Erik to see my fear once again. Not again. I whip out my phone and take a picture of Erik scowling at me. The smile that it evokes is genuine.
“Why did you leave?” Erik asks. His voice is soft, something I only ever see between us. “I missed you.”
I swallow hard and the same fears from before bubble to the surface. I’ve let him in too far. He can hurt me worse than anyone else. He watches me as I type on the phone.