“Perhaps ye’re right, Elizabeth. But I willnae sit here, hostin’ teas and dancin’ at balls, pretendin’ all is well while other men lay down their lives for my cause. Am I just supposed to smile and nod at folk, lie through me teeth, and invite the likes of Kittridge to a wee afternoon of huntin’? Me faither deserved more than that. He shouldnae have died like some traitor, his name dragged through the muck. He wasnae even given the chance to fight. But me? I’ll not let that be me fate.”
Elizabeth could feel the anger that was simmering from her husband. She didn’t like the fact that his fury was directed at her. Gaining some strength, she rose from her chair.
“Alasdair, listen. I have never said anything about smiling at your enemy as if nothing happened. No. If Kittridge is your enemy, he is mine, as well. However, you’re telling me that you’ll be traveling to dangerous territories, going against powerful men. You don’t know what they are capable of. Evil men do not hesitate to do the things they do. But you…you, no matter whatthey say, are a good man. If you embark on this journey, it is more of suicide than a quest.”
“Justice. Aye, it would be forjustice, and that’s worth fightin’ for, if anythin’ is,” he growled, as his jaw tightened and his eyes flashed at her.
“What am I to you, then? Am I—just a stepping stone for you to find the path to your revenge again?” she asked, afraid to hear the crack in her voice.
She wouldn’t cry. He might think she was using it to make him stay.
Alasdair gaped at her, seemingly surprised. “What?”
“Yes, Alasdair,” she continued. “I am asking you to think about it. Am I not enough? Do you think you’ll be all right to leave whatever it is that we have?” She paused. “Or what I think we have?”
“It’s not that simple, it isnae, Elizabeth,” he grunted.
“Of course, it is!” Her voice had risen, uncharacteristically angry. “Yes, it’s simple. You married me, Alasdair. You may not have done so out of love, but there is a commitment to it. You told me that being married to you won’t take away my choices. Then, you decide to leave? You are making your own choice without asking me, as one should ask his wife?”
“Elizabeth…” he said softly, reaching for her hand.
She stepped back, her heart too bruised to deal with his pleading eyes
“No. If you decide to leave, please don’t make it out to be a noble cause. It might be true, but as your wife, I can’t accept it like that. I may not have ever met your father, but I don’t believe he’d want you to destroy yourself for revenge,” she said, hoping that she wasn’t pushing it too far.
“Honor is everythin’!” he snapped, his face looking strained.
Alasdair paced the room while controlling the feelings that had been rising within him.
“If I daenae see this through, Elizabeth, do ye ken what that makes me?” he went on. “I’d not just be a coward the rest of me life; I’d spend every day wonderin’ if the folk smilin’ at me, sharin’ me table, had a hand in torturin’ and killin’ me faither.”
“I know, Alasdair.”
“Nay, ye daenae ken, Elizabeth. Not really,” he retorted, and the ice in his tone made her wince.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean it that way. I can only guess what it must be like, and understand your need for revenge, and following through with what you have now. But I also don’t want to livein constant fear. I thought we were building something secure, Alasdair. I really thought so.”
His face softened.
“Elizabeth, yer sisters willnae be harmed. I’ll make sure of it,” he said gently. “Whether or not I uncover the truth about me faither and the men behind his arrest and murder, believe me, I will find a way to protect ye. I’ve been makin’ alliances, too.”
Elizabeth didn’t like the sound of that. It was almost like he was preparing to protect them even after he was gone.
“What about you?” she asked. “I don’t like what you’ve just said. That you’d protect us no matter what happens. That you have allies now.”
“At the moment, me priority is justice for me faither. It’s never been this close before,” he insisted.
“I am going to ask you once more, Alasdair. Are you choosing the pursuit of justice over… over living with me? Peacefully?”
Alasdair gave an audible gulp, looking in the distance. He was no longer looking her in the eye, and she felt desperate to have him back.
“Again, I’m tellin’ ye, it’s nae a simple choice.”
“That’s final?” she asked.
He nodded solemnly, his eyes fixed on the wall away from her.
Elizabeth’s throat tightened, but she blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall.