I’m holding back the rest of the truth, and she must know it, because she stops dead, eyes wide. I can tell she wants to ask more, but she doesn’t. It’s that damn curiosity, I need to watch out for it. I’m beyond grateful when she starts to walk again, falling into step with me as we start down the steps towards the alley that leads to the harbour front.
As a local, I nip through these little snickets without even thinking, but Lucy’s sharp little intake of breath reminds me a moment too late that this one is dark, narrow, and probably intimidating as hell. Without thinking, I reach for her hand and squeeze lightly. It was intended to be a friendly gesture– a reassuring guide– but the warmth of her small hand in mine sends ripples of feeling over my skin, building to a small, secret smile that I’m glad it’s too dark for her to see.
I duck in front of her as the alley narrows, reaching my arm behind my back so as not to lose contact, even though we’re almost at the end now and the light from the road at the end is easily enough to see where we’re walking. I just want to savour this moment, this feeling that I’ve missed so much. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t exactly been short of action in my time, but I can’t remember the last time I got all flustered just from holding a girl’s hand. That hasn’t happened in a while.
I honestly didn’t know it still could.
‘So Quinn’s a bit of a character,’ Lucy says as we step out onto Pier Road, a well-timed interruption before my thoughts begin to spiral in directions they have no business heading.
I can’t help but laugh in response. Everyone says that about Quinn sooner or later. And it’s absolutely true. I mean, I’d probably go with the wordidiotif it were me, but I supposecharacterworks.
‘I can’t believe he proposed to her,’ I say, reluctantly dropping her hand as I lead her right, towards the bridge. ‘They’ve been together five minutes.’
It’s just a figure of speech though. I can completely believe it. Quinn’s impulsivity is legendary. If anything, I’m surprised it’s taken this long. I half expected him to be on his fourth or fifth wife by now.
I’m definitely still worried by the whole thing, but is there jealousy there too? I mean, I could deny it, but I’d be lying. Of all the things I lost when I changed, the chance of a normal future with someone I love is the thing that guts me the most. Not that I would describe anything Quinn does as normal, but still.
More normal than anything I can hope for.
The small breath Lucy huffs out makes me turn to her, and when I do, something about the expression on her face tugs at my insides. I’m not sure how to describe it.Wistful, perhaps?
‘The romantic in me wants to saywhen you know, you know,’ she muses, not looking at me. ‘Except that I actually don’t know at all.’
‘You’ve never fallen in love with someone three seconds after meeting them?’
She smiles and shakes her head, but when she speaks, her voice is quiet against the rhythmic slap of water on the harbour wall. ‘I’ve never fallen in love with anyone. At all.’
I try to temper the raise in my eyebrows, but it’s no use. I panic for a second about how she’ll interpret the expression, but she just laughs softly.
‘Ok, I’ve never been inrequitedlove.’ Something deeper pulls at her smile. ‘Pining over someone doesn’t count.’
This time I definitely can’t believe it. I would have thought people would be falling over themselves for a chance to go out with a woman like Lucy. Even an arsehole like me has been in love, for God’s sake.
For all the good it did me.
‘Never?’ I ask, and she shakes her head in confirmation.
‘Never.’
I’m floored, and I say the only thing I can think of, which turns out to be, ‘Well, colour me surprised.’
The tightness in her jaw eases at once, and before I know it, she’s laughing out loud. It’s that angel laugh again, warm and melodic, and even though she’s definitely laughing at me, I can’t quite find it in me to be offended.
‘Oh my word, Bram,’ she says, mirth shaking her voice. ‘Colour me surprised. Are you someone’s nan?’
I feign offence, and it does nothing to tame the swell in my chest. Suddenly, making her feel better is the only thing I can focus on.
‘I’m notthatold,’ I say, with an entirely fabricated huff.Not yet, I want to add, but I don’t. It vaguely registers somewherethat this is the first time she’s teased me, and it makes my inner schoolboy roar with pride. For some reason, I get the feeling she isn’t like this with everyone.
Her eyes twinkle. ‘You might want to tell that to your vocabulary.’
I pout to hide my delight. Trolling me has put a huge, genuine smile back on Lucy’s face, and honestly, I’m completely willing to sacrifice a little bit of pride for that.
‘All right, City Girl,’ I say with a wink, gesturing to the road in front of us. ‘Let this geriatric thirty-four-year-old walk you home.’
She begins to walk but I can see her considering me carefully out of the corner of my eye. ‘You’re thirty-four?’ she asks eventually, surprise raising the pitch of her voice.
‘Yeah, why?’