“I mean it.” I set the knife down and finally looked at him. “Can you keep it quiet? I don’t want this turning into a thing. It wasn’t serious. It was just…fun.”
Rowan studied me for a long moment. His expression shifted, something uncertain crossing his face. “Fun.”
“Yeah. Fun.” I picked up the toast and took a bite, forcing myself to chew normally. “We’re not…it’s not like we’re dating or anything. It just happened.”
“Uh-huh. And will Dud join our future games?”
“I’m serious, Rowan. Don’t make this weird.”
He raised his hands in surrender. “Fine. Your secret’s safe with me. But for the record, you look happier than I’ve seen you in months.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t even know I had the ability to look happy. I had the resting mildly bored face. So I took another bite of toast and let the moment pass.
Rowan grabbed his plate and headed toward the stairs. “Just don’t hurt yourself, okay?”
“I won’t,” I said.
He paused at the base of the stairs and looked back. “I meant emotionally. But physically works, too, I guess.”
I threw a dish towel at him. He caught it, laughing, and disappeared upstairs.
I stood alone in the kitchen, toast in hand, trying to convince myself I believed what I’d just said. I wouldn’t get hurt. To get hurt, I’d have to feel something, and it’s been so long since I’d felt it. And feeling it always brought disappointment. So, I was good, right?
It was just fun.
Nothing serious.
Nothing that would hurt when it ended.
It was better if we didn’t rush it. If we didn’t do something silly, like get all romantic.
The toast tasted like cardboard in my mouth.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
jason
I was early.Way too early.
I’d been drumming my fingers on the desk for the last ten minutes, watching the clock like it might suddenly skip ahead. Someone shushed me from a few tables over. I switched to bouncing my leg instead.
The plan had changed. We were supposed to go on a date tonight. An actual date. Dinner, maybe a movie, something normal that people did when they liked each other and wanted to figure out what that meant.
But Bennet had texted me right while I was at practice.
Can we do the study session instead? We’re behind on our work, and Stats is still important.
It had struck me as odd. Not wrong, exactly, just…unexpected. We’d spent last night tangled up in my bed, and now he wanted to sit in the library with textbooks between us like nothing had changed.
But Bennet wasn’t like other people. He was a littleodd in all the best ways. Maybe this was just how he processed things. Maybe he needed the structure.
I could do structure.
Even if part of me wanted to grab him the second I saw him and kiss him stupid in front of everyone.
Five minutes before our agreed time, I spotted him coming through the library entrance. Backpack slung over one shoulder, glasses catching the light, hair doing that thing where it fell into his eyes no matter how many times he pushed it back.
I hopped up before I could stop myself.