“Same as you,” Seth said.
I shook my head. “Impossible.”
“Why is it impossible?” A look of defiance came over his face, as if to say,I can be just like you.
I laughed, not replying to that. The reply was way too close to the heart to say aloud.
The crowd pushed me closer to Seth, but he stepped back each time I moved toward him. Step by step, and we were out of the deepest circle of hell, moving steadily toward the slightly quieter side of the room.
“Look at you!” The voice cut through the noise. The twink stormed our corner and thrust a drink into Seth’s hand. “Right for the big prize. I didn’t think you had it in you.”
Seth laughed, clearly familiar with the little demon. “Silas,” Seth said. “This is an old enemy.”
Silas looked at me, took my measure, then nodded. “You’re off the hook, big guy. My roommate’s calling dibs.”
I’d never felt more like a sex toy than just now. It was an oddly liberating sensation. I simply nodded.
Silas peeled away from us, catching the rhythm and dancing toward a couple of topless, beefed-up guys with pierced nipples and tattooed arms and chests. I didn’t need to look to know how his night would end.
“Your friend is…something,” I said, lifting my right arm and leaning against the bare concrete wall behind Seth. As I inhaled, underneath the staleness and sweat of the basement, there was the freshness of jasmine and hyacinth that launched me back into the summer memory. I fought against being swept away by its potency.
“He’s my roommate,” Seth said. “Not sure about being friends yet.”
“What is this?” I asked, pushing aside my own attempt at chitchat. We had never known how to have a fun conversation. Why pretend? “You’ve got a roommate on my campus, Seth. Did you transfer?”
“Damon, don’t be a bore,” he said, a twinkle of his old fire glimmering in his big eyes. “Let’s dance.”
I barked a laugh and shook my head. “You don’t know how to dance.”
“You’ll teach me.”
He pressed an open palm against my chest, and fire filled my body like I’d been struck by lightning.
I stepped back just as he stepped forward, pushing me closer to the dancing crowd.
I narrowed my eyes and took his measure. He wasn’t kidding. He wanted to dance the way all these people danced. It was hardly a skill. Rather, it was an expression of lust and ecstasy, of the way they ravaged your body and made you move, made you incapable of standing still. It was the frustration and the path to soothing it. It was a ritual of half people and half animals, and Seth wanted it without a shred of doubt.
I stood my ground. “Alright,” I said. “But you’ll need to drink that first.”
The challenge made his nostrils flare. He would prove he could keep up with the rest of us. And that was my fault entirely. But I encouraged him anyway and waited as he drank the cheap whiskey and tossed the cup aside.
Both hands pressed on my chest, he pushed up into the throng where the beat alone made you move simply because you feared that it would fray your skin and muscles if you stood still.
The lights flashed rapidly, making the entire room feel like a storm of nightmares. The heat of bodies and poor ventilation made me sweat through my shirt as I yanked Seth closer to me, shoving everyone who dared touch him. I was no longer playingby the basement rules. Had it been anyone else, I’d have gladly shared them, but not this guy. I wasn’t letting Seth descend into the same depravity and madness that filled my nights.
If he wanted it, he would get it, but only as much as I decided was good for him. Because he’d always wanted to be like me. Since we were kids in our shitty little town, Seth had wanted to be me, which never sat well with Nick, the picture-perfect role model that he had always been.
Seth’s hands dragged over my torso. He jumped in the rhythm I set. He swung the way I did. He copied my moves with barely any delay, catching up and leaning as quickly as ever. He had learned to kiss just as quickly. He had learned a lot more than that the summer after. He had always wanted to prove himself, and in that, he had always been the cutest trouble I’d ever had to deal with.
We danced this performative thing like everyone around us, arms lifting to my head, elbows bending, biceps bulging, hair turning into a mess of matting locks and sweat, the press of bodies keeping you low-key horny until it was freaking buzzing inside your ears with the constant need to go further.
Seth was almost a head shorter, but that didn’t stop him from being just as engaged with me as anyone. He was strong, well-shaped for a science nerd, compact and muscled in all the right ways. Shaggy hair and dark eyes and deep dimples, he was my reckoning.
He placed his hands on my hips and pulled us together, making my heart thunder as he let his abdomen press against my crotch, making me hard in an instant. Though I couldn’t hear him snicker, I could see it in his eyes, the delight at being naughty and off the leash.
What had Illinois State done to him? Where was the innocence of that clumsy, self-conscious guy I’d known all mylife? He’d been shedding it the last time we’d crossed paths, but the guy before me was a whole new level of dirty and demanding.
Seth glanced around, taking in the sins and pleasures of the basement and joining the ranks of the doomed and desolate. His hand moved off my hip and between my legs.