“I’m not trying to pressure you,” I said, even though we both knew I absolutely was. “I just…I want more time. With you. Away from all the bullshit. Just for the fun of it, eh?”
Seth squeezed my hand. “I know.”
“So?”
He pulled his hand back, and my stomach dropped. But then he was standing up, pulling on his coat with deliberate movements. “Show me the seventeen tabs.”
I was on my feet before he finished the sentence, probably looking too eager but unable to care. We walked back through the cold streets, and I kept stealing glances at him, trying to read his expression in the glow of streetlights and storefront windows.
Back in my room, I opened my laptop and pulled up the browser. Seth stood behind my chair, one hand resting on my shoulder as he leaned in to look at the screen.
“This one’s a cabin,” I said, clicking through. “Two hours north. There’s a fireplace and absolutely nothing around for miles.”
“Romantic,” Seth murmured, and I couldn’t tell if he was mocking me or not.
“This one’s a beach house. Off-season rates.”
“In December?”
“Some people like cold beaches.” I scrolled down. “And this one’s…”
“Damon.” Seth’s fingers tightened on my shoulder. “Stop.”
I stopped, my heart hammering. This was it, the rejection I’d been bracing for.
“I need to think about it,” Seth said. His voice was gentle, which somehow made it worse. “Really think about it. Not just…not with you looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
He cocked his head as if I should know already. I did. I was getting too damn hopeful, and it was showing.
“Okay,” I said instead. “Take your time.”
Seth moved around the chair and sat on the edge of my bed, running his hands through his hair. “I’m not saying no.”
“But you’re not saying yes.”
“I’m saying maybe.” He looked up at me, and there was something vulnerable in his expression that made me want to cross the room and kiss him until he forgot why he was hesitating. “I’m saying I need to figure out if I can lie that convincingly.”
I nodded. “That’s fair.”
“Is it?” Seth asked. “Or are you going to spend the next three days trying to convince me?”
“Probably both.”
He laughed, soft and tired. “At least you’re honest.”
I wanted to argue, to push harder, to make him see that this could be perfect. But I could also see the exhaustion in the set of his shoulders, the weight of all the hiding and careful planning and constant vigilance.
“Think about it,” I said quietly. “Really think about it. And whatever you decide, it’s okay.”
Seth stood up and crossed to me, cupping my face in both hands and kissing me slow and deep. When he pulled back, his eyes were bright.
“I’ll let you know,” he said. “Soon.”
It wasn’t a yes. But it wasn’t a no either.
“And Damon…” He tilted his head to one side. “You really are gonna be the death of me.”