There was a sweetness to Seth that I’d always been so well aware of. He kept his fingers on the can even as mine covered it, and then he pulled his hand back and cracked his beer open.
We sat down in the usual spot on the old vent shaft and let our shoulders press together. “We should have dinner together. Someplace off campus,” I said. I kept my voice casual and calm, but the nervousness made my stomach flutter.
Seth tensed. A moment passed, and then he nodded. “I know a place. They make incredible vegan burgers.”
“I couldn’t possibly eat a vegan,” I said.
He poked me with his elbow. “It wouldn’t be your first time.”
I couldn’t help the chuckle breaking from me. It was mostly relief that he would consider going out someplace like normal people did. “You’re a very delicious exception.”
Sneaking around had its perks. It was hot. It was so much hotter than when there weren’t people actively hating the idea of it. But I wanted to breathe free for an evening, too. We had never had a normal date, and I freaking loved dates. He would, too.
I didn’t want to worry about what we would talk about and what we would have to avoid. I didn’t want to know that he had gone to Chicago after those weeks together and dated someoneelse. I didn’t want to remember how empty I had felt for a year and how I’d stumbled into hookups that were terrible ideas just to conceal the hollowness Seth’s absence had left in me.
We wouldn’t touch on this. It didn’t matter anymore. If I could bury my head in the sand and live in the bliss that Seth’s presence on campus was, I would gladly do just that.
“It’s a date,” I said, pushing my luck.
Seth looked at me, worry crossing his face for only a passing moment. Then he nodded. “If you want it to be.”
I did. And I wanted more. There was no denying it. Even if he didn’t want more. Even if he was happy to just meet after dark and blow my brains out, I couldn’t pretend that my wishes were the same.
I leaned on Seth, holding my beer and watching students walk around campus in pairs and groups, going to and from parties, carrying books, sneaking around just like us.
These were our incredible days. I was going to use them before I graduated and got pulled away from Seth again. I would enjoy these two years of college like I had dreamed of.
And I had a feeling that Seth wasn’t going to complain about it either.
EIGHT
Seth
The momentI turned the corner, the world seemed to slow down. Damon was already there, leaning against the wall outside the restaurant, one hand in his pocket, the other catching the soft, amber light spilling from the windows. The evening wrapped around him like it had been staged for this exact moment, gold and honeyed, striking an image that made strangers turn their heads. His hair caught a shimmer from the streetlamp, and his white shirt looked almost unreal against his tan skin. For a second, I just stood there, half-hidden behind a parked car, wondering how someone could look so careless and deliberate at the same time, like he hadn’t just shown up for dinner but stepped out of a dream I had no business dreaming.
His gaze dropped from where it was wandering through the galaxy and landed right on me, as if he could always find me in this vast universe. Those sweet lips of his curled into a smile, making me lightheaded.
Yeah, this was a terrible idea. As if it weren’t bad enough that I’d nearly knocked over a Petri dish today at the lab because I’d lost myself to daydreaming about Damon and tonight’s date, he just had to take my breath away.
“Hello, Damon,” I said curtly, keeping my voice low and clipped so he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing how dizzy he had made me. My knees were weak when I came near him. It struck me as odd that this was more difficult than letting him into my room and playing Go Fish until we were naked. Maybe because stripping led us down one certain path, while going on a date branched the paths before us into infinity.
“Hello, Seth,” he said, mimicking my tone. “You’re right on time.”
“And you’re early,” I said. “Smells like desperation.”
“Dream on, boyo,” he said, thrusting his elbow for me to hold.
I shook my head. “Don’t think so. Let’s see how the date goes first.”
He laughed and put a hand on the small of my back, ushering me in and turning my legs to jelly. I swallowed a moan that came from the sheer intimacy of that touch, then entered the restaurant.
It wasn’t the one I’d proposed, but it was still a vegan place. Much more expensive, by the look of it, but styled in a casually classy way. The interior was all amber lamplight, candles in reused wine bottles, wooden tables and chairs, brick walls, and lush plants. Vines crawled up the walls and along the wooden beams, threaded with string lights for a madly romantic effect.
A greeter led us to our table in the corner in the back of the restaurant, window looking out to the inner courtyard, away from prying eyes, yet still offering a view.
Most tables were occupied by couples, bottles of wine open between them, hands held on top of the tables, pupils wide and gazes locked onto one another’s faces. Some glanced at us as we passed, holding their gazes on Damon. It was unsurprising, considering Damon had a hundred thousand followers online after the success of their hockey reality show. His profilewas cluttered with a combination of game announcements and shirtless gym selfies. I knew why I visited it, and I had a strong suspicion I knew why all these people looking at him did, too.
But the attention slid off Damon like he was immune to it. A few months ago, he would have savored every moment of it, used it to start conversations, I would bet my butt on it. But he didn’t even look around, following the greeter and pulling a chair for me so smoothly that I didn’t even realize I was being pampered. I only felt it in the pit of my stomach, this melting sensation that disarmed me so thoroughly that I knew I would lose myself in his eyes the moment he sat down across from me.