Why had she doubted that he wanted to see her? Relief filled her, along with the warmth she always experienced in his presence. “And you.”
She feigned interest in the people milling about, some at the counter where a clerk assisted them. A few patrons sat at the tables, some alone, and others in groups. Conversations were in hushed tones, and she was relieved not to recognize anyone. Her literary group frequented a different lending library, which was why she’d chosen this one.
“What has captured your interest so firmly?” she asked as she glanced at the book before him.
“You.”
Her stomach danced as her attention returned to him, hardly able to believe he’d say such a thing and breathless because he had. She looked away, blinking to clear her emotions. It wouldn’t do to read too much into his words. He was accustomed to flirting, and while he might like being with her, that didn’t mean he would change his mind about marrying her.
And that was the only path forward for her.
Yet she wouldn’t deny herself the pleasure of his company or the faint hope she could change his mind. That might make her a fool, but it couldn’t be helped. She just needed to tread carefully so she wasn’t left heartbroken in the coming weeks if nothing came of this.
Weeks. Her heart pinched at the thought. That was all the time she had to help him see her as a partner and potential wife. Perhaps it would only be a matter of days instead, givenDunthorpe’s persistence. Or even hours because of their limited time together. She bit her lip as the impossibility of the situation rose, leaving her overwhelmed.
“I like you, Millicent.” He looked at the page of his book as he spoke in a quiet tone. “Very much.”
Hope flared once again. “I like you, too, Winston. I enjoy our time together.” She glanced around the lending library, thinking how much different it was from a ball. “No matter the place.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught his smile. “Indeed. It isn’t only dark gardens that serve a purpose.”
What a relief to know that he agreed. That he wasn’t only interested in kisses and passionate embraces, but also quiet moments together even if they weren’t alone. The realization had her rubbing a finger on her chest at the sweet ache there.
“What book are you reading?” she asked, needing to change the subject before she melted into a puddle at his feet.
“Modern Estate Management.” He tapped the page before him. “The author has some insightful suggestions, though I don’t know if I can put them to use.”
“Why not?”
He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I don’t think my steward would welcome ideas like these, especially coming from me.”
“Surely he would be willing to discuss their merits.”
Winston gave a low laugh as he shook his head. “Doubtful.”
“Then perhaps you need a new steward.”
He didn’t react to her suggestion, and she feared she’d overstepped the bounds of their relationship. After all, he was a marquess, and she was nobody. Her father had inherited wealth and seen success in investments, but that was nothing compared to the holdings Winston managed.
“That has crossed my mind, but I can’t imagine telling him. I can hear my father whispering in my ear to leave well enoughalone. That I don’t know of what I’m speaking.” He frowned as he stared across the room. “Oddly enough, his voice and that of the steward’s sound somewhat similar.”
Millie ached at the doubt in his voice and expression. What had happened in the past to make him feel that way? No wonder he avoided dealing with his estates.
“It seems to me that if you had a logical explanation for the changes you wanted to make, then a good steward would be eager to work with you to implement them. Change can be difficult but is often a good thing.”
She knew that firsthand, though her experience was on a much smaller scale. Acting bolder was her only guide, but she wanted to help and support him in any way she could. Didn’t that include helping to push him beyond where he felt comfortable?
Though tempted to say more, she held back. After all, they were little more than acquaintances who had shared kisses.
He heaved a sigh. “I suppose that is true. But change isn’t easy.” He shifted in his seat as if even thinking of it made him uncomfortable.
“No, it isn’t.” Hadn’t she just told Tibby that? And Tibby’s response was worth sharing. “But the things we cherish are worth the effort.”
He slowly nodded. “You have given me much to think about.”
A companionable silence fell over them as they both read their books. Millie risked several glances at him, often meeting his gaze, which suggested he did the same.
An image of them doing something similar in their own house, each doing as they wished yet enjoying time together had her closing her eyes as longing took hold. How could she see them together so perfectly when there was still so much keeping them apart?