Wasn’t it?
Regardless, she could still attempt to keep that interest, and Eliza could be key in helping her. “Your brother is an interesting man,” Millie began.
“Hmm. I would’ve said irritating.” She waved a hand in the air. “Ignore me. I spoke with him this morning and didn’t get anywhere as usual. I’m not sure why I bother to try.”
“Perhaps he is still searching for his own path forward.”
Eliza frowned as she looked at her. “I don’t know. It’s been years since he inherited. If he hasn’t found it by now, I don’t know that he will.”
“I think he might.” Millie clamped her lips tight, realizing she shouldn’t have said that as it insinuated that they’d spoken on the subject.
“You do?” Eliza cocked her head to the side. “Did he say something to indicate he is considering changing his ways?”
“Not precisely. I just think he might be done looking outward for what he seeks and has started to look inward.” She nearly winced at the admission. Who was she to guess such a thing based on their brief conversations?
Her friend scoffed. “I wish I could agree. I haven’t seen any evidence of the sort. I keep pressing him to marry as I thought it might settle his restlessness and provide stability.”
Millie smothered a sigh, a wave of hurt washing over her. “He seems to intend to avoid marriage for as long as possible.”
“Yes.” She stared across the street, but her thoughts were clearly elsewhere. “Our parents were a poor example for us. As you know, there are several years between Winston and me, but we both witnessed their arguments. They were frequent and lengthy. The animosity made them, as well as us, miserable.”
“How difficult.” Millie couldn’t imagine it. Her parents were always civil to one another, at least in front of her. While there were times she felt tension between them, they never argued.
“It was. There were times we hid together to escape the fighting. I know it affected Winston as deeply as it did me if not more so. Father was a poor example for him to follow and did little to prepare him to inherit.”
“That must’ve made his life challenging when your parents died.” Millie reached to touch Eliza’s arm. “And yours as well, of course.”
Eliza squeezed Millie’s hand as if grateful for the support. “He didn’t know quite what to do with me and sent me off to live with one relative or another in the country. At the time, I felt terriblyunwanted, but now I realize he was trying to do what was best for me.”
Millie’s heart ached for them both. “I can’t imagine what you endured.”
“I like to think we’ve formed a deeper bond since my return to London, though I don’t know if he would agree.” She smiled. “He is still rather annoyed with me for marrying his best friend.”
“All because of a simple favor,” Millie teased.
Eliza laughed as Millie had intended. “Quite. I can still hardly believe I found the courage to ask it of Philip or that he didn’t see through the ploy.”
“I prefer to think of it as a bold move rather than a ploy.”
“You’re right, it was.” Eliza’s expression sobered. “Have you given any thought to a bold move of your own? I had the impression that you also had a secrettendreof late.”
Millie clenched her fist, hiding it in the folds of her gown as tension gripped her. Did she take the chance and tell Eliza the truth? Would it jeopardize their friendship? Was there any purpose to telling her when she had already said Millie and Winston wouldn’t suit?
“I-I—” The air left Millie’s lungs in a slow sigh. She couldn’t bear it if Eliza didn’t think a bold move with Winston would work—or worse if Eliza felt sorry for her for even thinking she had a chance with him. “I don’t think doing something like that would be wise.”
“I understand. It is incredibly difficult to put oneself into such a precarious position. Trust me, I know. But I must ask what Phoebe has asked us from the beginning—are you willing to live with regret?”
No, she wanted to say. To yell it from the rooftops. The unrest simmering deep inside her demanded she act, even if she couldn’t bring herself to tell Eliza the truth.
What would come of it remained to be seen. But there had to be something more she could do to entice Winston and convince him that he couldn’t live without her. If only she knew what that was.
Chapter Ten
“For you, miss.” Aliveried footman handed Millie a folded piece of paper, then continued past, as if he’d never spoken with her or delivered a message.
Shivers ran along Millie’s flesh as she clutched the small piece of paper in her gloved hand, wondering who had sent it and what it might say. She’d only just entered the Tisdale ball and didn’t dare glance behind her to see if her mother had witnessed the note’s delivery.
Two days had passed since Eliza had called and three since her meeting with Winston at the bookshop. During that time, she had bounced between her desire to attempt some bold act that would be sure to catch Winston’s attention or fading into the background, fearing he wouldn’t notice her disappearance.