But? He heard it in her voice, and it caused his hope to plummet further.
She tightened the shawl around her shoulders as she looked away. “I mentioned to you that my mother and I saw Reverend Henderson.” Her gaze shifted to meet his. “Or rather,Mr. Henderson.”
He nodded, pleased she included that detail.
“As I told you, he was a friend of my stepfather’s,” she continued.
“Yes.” How did this have anything to do with them?
“Lord Chapman was not a pleasant person. Far from it.”
Ah. So the person he’d spoken to who’d known Chapman longer had also known him well. The idea of the lord being cruel to Harriet, or her mother, made his blood boil. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“He deceived us. My father died when I was young, and my mother was lonely in the years after his death. Chapman pursued her, and his actions reminded her of my father. She hoped he’d be a good husband and a father figure to me.”
Joseph’s chest tightened, able to guess where the story would lead. How unfortunate that they shared a similar background.
Memories of his own experiences washed through him, a roaring sound in his ears left in their wake. The days in his room with no food. The hours of lecturing him how he was bound for hell. The numerous Bible verses read to him that proved how terrible a person he was and why he had to be punished.
Was it any wonder that those who claimed to be overly religious made Joseph suspicious?
But this wasn’t about him. Only Harriet.
“When they were first married, everything was fine,” she continued. “But with each month that passed during the two years they were married, his demeanor shifted. He became angry in the blink of an eye.” She paused, clearly distraught by the memories. “The first time he slapped me, I was stunned. When Mother confronted him about it, he refused to admit any wrongdoing.”
“What a terrible excuse of a gentleman.” He shook his head, trying to hold back his anger. “I would’ve throttled him if I had the chance. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
She reached up to adjust her shawl, her fingers rubbing her chest, a habit he’d noticed during the house party. “He would apologize later, and I hoped things would change. He promised they would. He acted better for the next few months, though he still berated and belittled both of us. Then one afternoon, we were having tea, and he said something demeaning about my mother. I protested.”
Joseph clenched his fist, wishing he had the opportunity to confront Chapman. Harriet was the sweetest, kindest person he’d ever met. Nothing she could’ve said or done would merit physical violence.
She drew a deep breath then slowly loosened the shawl, her gaze watching him. The gown’s modest neckline revealed a web of terrible scars that spread across one entire side and part of the other. He now understood why she favored high-neck gowns.
His heart ached at the thought of what she’d been through, but his rage was even greater. It was almost as if he could feel her pain on his own skin. The burn scars were ugly but because of what they represented—a violent act by someone who should’ve been her protector—not because of how they looked.
“The tea?” he asked, doing his best to keep his voice steady and mask his emotions.
She nodded as she wrapped the shawl around her once again. “Yes.”
“Harriet...” He hardly knew what to say.
One look at her face made it clear that she was waiting for him to turn away in horror. That was the last thing he intended to do.
“Seeing your scars only makes me care for you more. I understand being treated as though you don’t matter. As you know, my experience with my father was awful in many ways. And I know it’s the scars on the inside that hurt the most.”
She released a breath that almost sounded like a sob. The sound tore at him.
“I can’t imagine the pain you experienced,” he continued as he knelt beside her and took her hand. “But know that those scars don’t change how I feel about you.”
“Joseph, I...” She swallowed hard, seeming unable to say more at the moment.
“I didn’t believe in love,” he confessed. “Not when it was so often used against me. Not until I met you. But you’ve made me realize what love can be. That it can help one see the good in life. It can make one strive to be more. To be better. Coming to know you has done all that and more.”
Her eyes glittered with unshed tears, her breath uneven.
He felt compelled to say everything in his heart, fearful she’d stop him. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I care deeply for you. I want the chance to show you how much. To earn your trust and affection. I want to do everything in my power to make you happy because that would make me happy as well.”
Harriet briefly closed her eyes. But her distress suggested his declaration hadn’t changed anything. Panic swirled through him as he tried to think of how to convince her of his sincerity.