Livie scooted away from her. “Papaw can come see me here.”
“We’re going home, Livie.” She should have realized that Livie wouldn’t want to leave her newfound father, but she hadn’t even given that a thought when making the decision to go home. That just proved how messed up she was, that she hadn’t considered her daughter’s feelings and what she wanted.
“No!” Livie jumped up and ran to Cooper. “I want to stay with you, Daddy.”
When Livie started crying and Cooper picked her up, Kendall realized she had underestimated Livie’s attachment to him. Guilt settled heavy in her heart as Livie clung to him and tears streamed down her face. It was too much. She escaped to the bedroom.
She needed to pack, but she didn’t have the energy. Sometime later, Cooper came in and caught her sitting on the bed, staring into space. She jumped up and grabbed Livie’s pajamas to put in the suitcase.
“Where’s Livie?” she said while keeping her eyes on the pajamas as she folded them. If she looked at him, she… She didn’t know what she’d do. Cry? Jump on him and wrap herself around him and beg him to give her time? But that wouldn’t be fair to him. What if she was never ready to have him—or any man—in her life? No, she couldn’t do that to him.
“Livie cried herself to sleep. Ruby’s watching over her.”
“Okay.” She dropped down onto the bed. Her daughter had cried herself to sleep. Kendall thought she might cry herself. She was the worst mother in the world. He stepped close to her, too close. She could smell his spicy scent, feel the heat from his body. Her hands fisted the pajamas to keep from reaching for him.
He kneeled in front of her. “Kendall, look at me.”
“I can’t,” she whispered.
“Why?”
There were a thousand reasons why…or maybe there was only one. That one was because she was hurting him, and she couldn’t bear to see the pain she was causing in his eyes.That means you’re feeling something,the stupid voice in her head said.
“Why can’t you look at me? Tell me. You owe me that much.”
She took a few seconds to school her face before lifting her eyes to his. “I’m looking at you. Happy?” Oh, God, why was she being so mean? He deserved better than that from her.
“No, I’m not happy. I’m guessing that right now you don’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway. I’m in love with you.”
She recoiled at hearing those words. “You can’t love me. I have nothing inside me to give you.”
“That’s it, then? You’re just going to give him the win? Let him take away your chance to be happy?”
“I guess so.” She wanted to explain it to him, but she didn’t understand it herself. There was no reason for her to feel so lost, yet she did. “I’ll be ready to go in a few minutes, as soon as I finish packing.”
“You’re not going home.” Cooper took her hands in his. “Did you hear me, Kendall? You’re not going home.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yes, I am.”
“Tell me something. How long have you been sitting here?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Just answer my question.”
“I don’t know. Five, maybe ten minutes.”
“Try two hours.”
“No, it’s only been a few minutes.” He was wrong; he had to be.
“Two hours, Kendall, while our daughter cried herself to sleep. She cried loud enough for you to hear her, but you didn’t, did you?”
Heat burned her neck and her cheeks. She was a terrible mother. Embarrassed and heartsick, she pulled her hands away from Cooper’s and pressed them over her face.
“Here’s the thing. I can’t let Livie go home with you, not when you’re not capable of taking care of her right now. What if she hurts herself and you’re zoned out like you just were? You’re a wonderful mother. I don’t doubt that, but you’re not yourself, and until you are again, she can’t be alone with you.”
“I’m sorry.” He was right, and she wouldn’t risk her daughter’s safety because of her pride. She dropped her hands and met his gaze. “She can stay here with you.”