Instead of trying to work it out, figure it out right there and then with them—I ran. They didn’t want to hear me anyway.
So, I proved Adam's case once more and snuck out the back locker room door.
Coward.
I never should have left my house but being across the street from Chess made my heart hurt more. I had so many decisions to make and I couldn’t think straight knowing she was right here. So, I went out and drank away all my troubles.
I don’t even know how I got home.
I fake dated a girl to make myself look good. Then I allowed myself to fall for said girl, allowed my real feelings to come front and center, allowed it to be real, but still faked it in public. I lied to friends andfamily. I lied to my team. It was one big charade so I could get out of this town. For what? More fame? More money? I have that. So, why? So, I could prove myself? Do better, do more?
Chess said the kids would respect me for the truth even if they didn’t like it, but they left the locker room looking angry and not hearing a word I said. Especially Jameson. God, I feel like I let him down the most. We talked about college, I told him I would be there every step of the way for recruitment. My supposed fake but not really fake girlfriend was making his highlight reels. Does he think Chess was faking all her help for him, too?
I wanted to tell him I’d still do whatever I could for him but he walked away from me and wouldn’t give me the time of day when I asked him to hang back.
I’d hate me too, I guess.
It’s been two days since the bomb was dropped. We have five days until our semi-final win or go home game. I watched the boys slowly sulk onto the field. I wait for the other assistant coaches to arrive and get practice going.
Yup. I’m a coward.
I stand on the sidelines and watch them run drills. “Fellas!” I yell. “Huddle up!” They gather in front of me, helmets on and drop to a knee. “We have a big game coming up and I want to keep us focused on what’s ahead of us. I was watching some tapes last night...” I trail off as I watch Jameson slowly stand from where he’s kneeling and turn his back on me, looking out towards the visitor side of the stands.
“Jameson, what are you doing?” He doesn’t answer me and then I watch Connor, Phillip, and Andre all stand and turn their backs as well. Dylan, too. Fuck. I know what they’re doing. I stay silent as I feel the eyes of my assistants watching me as all the kids mimic the actions of their quarterback and turn their back on me.
Like I turned mine on them.
Mike, my first assistant, tries to wrangle the kids back in line. I put my hand out. “Let them be,” I say quietly.
Jameson calls out, “We run! Lap the field. Dylan, lead us out.” I watch as they all fall in line and start running the circumferenceof the field.
“What do you want me to do, coach? We have plays we have to go over.”
I shake my head. “They’re listening to their leader on the field. This is them taking their stand. Let them do it. Let them run. We’ll try again tomorrow.”
I turn and walk away, hoping there will be a tomorrow.
Chapter 38
Francesca
For the next few days after the announcement, I was fielding lots of phone calls. I was thrown headfirst into chaos and all I wanted to do was hide. Hide my broken heart. I know my emotions are written all over my face. There is no hiding this level of heartbreak.
The worst calls come after a press release from Goldman PR.
GOLDMAN PR HAS JUST ACQUIRED THE NEWEST STAR TO THEIR ROSTER. FORMER QB1 JACKSON GAGE HAS JUST SIGNED A ONE YEAR DEAL WITH EASTERN STATE UNIVERSITY AS HEAD COACH. A REP FROM GOLDMAN PR STATED THEY ARE ECSTATIC TO HAVE A BIG NAME ADDED AND LOOK FORWARD TO SIGNING FUTURE NFL COACHING CONTRACTS WITH GAGE. REACHING FOR THE STARS INDEED.
THIS ANNOUNCEMENT HAS LEFT MANY QUESTIONS AS TO THE STATUS OF GAGE AND GIRLFRIEND, FRANCESCA CASANOVA. IF YOU RECALL, CASANOVA WAS FIRED FROM GOLDMAN PR AND SIGNED AS GAGES PR. WAS GAGE USING CASANOVA TO GET INTOGOLDMAN PR? WHO WILL BE GAGES NEW REP? WE HEAR AVA BELINSKY HAS MOVED UP THE RANKS TO BECOME A WELL SOUGHT-AFTER REP. SEEMS EVERYONE IS REACHING FOR THE STARS.
Every rag magazine you can imagine has called and tried to infiltrate our small town. All of them want the latest scoop and to see if they can catch Gage and myself together, see if we’restilltogether. And since I’ve been hiding, no one’s gotten a look at me. Including Gage.
Not that he’s tried.
I’m hoping this will die down and the focus will be on the upcoming semifinal games this weekend.
Day four brings more of the same pain. No shower, blankets tangled around me on the couch. I won’t go to my bedroom, there are too many memories of us in there. I’m exhausted from the lack of sleep since my mind won’t let me get any rest. It’s constant thinking about what I could have done differently. Whatwecould have done differently and what I’m supposed to do now. Add in ignoring my friends and family, and I’ve officially hit rock bottom.
But like any good best friends, they won’t leave me alone for long. Britt walks into my house like she owns it.