“That’s fine. You don’t have to. What would you like to do talk about?” Megan asked. When I didn’t answer, she pointed to a picture behind her desk. “Your father sent me that.” I leaned forward to get a closer look. It looked like a Ferris wheel lit up in the dark. “It’s from the town he grew up in. The one where he met your mother.”
Dad didn’t talk much about his childhood. I knew that my parents had met during the summer and that Dad fell immediately. We had only gone there once to visit my grandmother, along with my Uncle Pat and Aunt Josephine. We had driven past the amusement park, but it had been closed for the winter.
“IthinkIhaveaneatingdisorder.” My eyes went wide at my admission. “I mean, I know I do.”
Megan raised her brows. “Do you want to talk about that with me instead?”
“Yes.” My voice trembled with that one word. “Please, I just want to get better. I want to live a long and happy life. I’m scared of what might happen if I don’t get that under control. I don’t want to die.”
Megan nodded. “Why don’t you start at the beginning? When did you first notice you were having problems with your relationship with food?”
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and slowly began to talk.
MY ENTIRE BODY WASwrung out and empty after my session with Megan. I don’t remember the last time I cried that much. Maybe when I left Cole without saying goodbye? Or maybe when I saw the first picture of him with Fiona. That had cut deep into my soul. Like a knife in the back. When I stepped into mychildhood bedroom, I found Zach in front of the mirror dressed in a silver top and matching slim-fit pants.
“Hey.” His face lit up when he saw me before he rushed over to hug me. “Are you okay? Have you been crying? Was it Cole? I’ll kick him the nuts, babe, just say the word.”
I snorted. “No, it’s not Cole.”
Speaking of my boyfriend, I should probably let him know I was okay. He was probably worried.
“Then why do you look like you’ve been crying into your cereal? I know I’ve been a little preoccupied and a horrible friend, but I’m here for you. I love you, and I mean that.” Zach released me and took a step back. “Babe, your cheeks are stained with tears. Talk to me.” He sat down on my bed and patted the spot next to him.
I sniffed as more threatened to fall. “I’d rather not.” I took the spot next to him. “What are you up to today? Do you have a hot date or something?” I took in the outfit he had on. “Is this new?”
“Ezra gave it to me.” Zach beamed. “I mean, he forced me to take it and wouldn’t let me give him any money for it. He’s so cool, Reed. I never thought someone like him would want to be friends with me.”
I cocked a brow. “You know he’s married, right? Happily, I might add. To a very tall, muscled NASCAR driver who is more than able to kick your ass.”
“Oh my God, Reed! I’m not into Ezra like that!” Zach giggled loudly. “He’s like my fashion icon. He’s also nearly old enough to be my father. Although age-gap is hot, Ezra is not my type.” He patted my thigh. “But, um, I might have kissed Oscar—”
“You did what?” I shot to my feet. “You didn’t! Babe, no. He’s supposed to be with Tate. I’m sorry, but I can’t have you ruining that.” I felt sick to my stomach. “Tell me you’ll break it off with Oscar. Please, I can’t imagine him with anyone but Tate. Oh, poor Tate. He’s going to be devastated.”
Zach stared at me. “If you would just let me finish.” He waved at the spot I had just vacated until I eased back down onto the mattress. “I kissed Oscar after Tate told me to.” He smirked. “It’s not a big deal, babe. They’re together and invited me to watch.”
“Oh.” My eyes widened. “Wait, you watched them have sex?” That was...wow.
Zach’s smile grew so wide I thought it might split his face. He made a zipping motion across his lips. “Can’t tell you that part.”
“Are you going to do it again?”
“Can’t tell you that either.”
I huffed. “What can you tell me?” I wrinkled my nose. “I take that back. I don’t want to know anything. Just don’t hurt them, okay? I know Tate has had a crush on Oscar for years, and now that they’re finally together, I would hate for it not to work out. No offense.”
“I would never.” Zach gasped and placed a hand against his chest. “Honey, you know that I’m only having a good time with them. I told them both I wasn’t interested in anything but fun. And it’s more than obvious that they care for one another. They’re cute together, too. Like I have confidence that they’re make it.” He tilted his head as he turned to look at me. “You’re deflecting. We were supposed to be talking about you.”
I grimaced. “Could we not?”
“Oh, we absolutely need to talk about you now.” He grabbed my hands. “Spill, babe. I’m not going to let this go.”
I closed my eyes. “I had my first therapy appointment today.” When Zach didn’t answer, I peeked at him from under my lashes. His eyes were wide as he stared at me. “Honestly, it was a long time coming. I have more than a few things to work out.”
“Why do you say that? You’re the most normal person I know.” He balked. “What’s wrong with you then? What haven’t you told me? You’re my best fucking friend, Reed. You know everything about me.”
My vision blurred. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet, Zach. I’m sorry.” I might never be able to.
“No, don’t you apologize.” He released my hands only to grip my head. “Whatever this is isn’t your fault. You’re an amazing person. I love you so much.”