“For you, I have all the minutes in the world.” Dad grinned. He lifted the hat on his head and dragged his hand through his hair. I didn’t miss the fact that his blond hair looked grayer these days, his eyes a little more wrinkled.
I climbed up into one of the old bar seats he kept in the garage. Not much had changed here since I was a kid. Dad spent a lot of time on the road during the racing season, but when he was home and wasn’t spending time with the family or fishingwith Killian, you could always find him here. Messing around on a car, engine, or anything he could get his hands on. Before he became a winning crew chief for NASCAR driver Rand Shepard, Dad worked as a mechanic. Sometimes I think he missed it and wished he could go back to a simpler time. I knew Dad loved us, loved Mom with all his heart, but he had his moments. Times when he didn’t want to talk to or see anyone. He would get up in his head until he figured everything out. I guess we all had our secrets.
“What’s on your mind, Reed?” Dad leaned against the car. “I thought you’d be spending time with Zach or catching up with your friends.”
I dropped my gaze to the floor. “I fucked up, Dad.” When he didn’t answer, I looked back up at him. “I really fucked up.”
“Does this have something to do with Cole?” he asked.
I stared at him in surprise. “How did you know?”
“I might be old now, but I wasn’t always. I was your age once.” Dad chuckled softly and folded his arms over his chest. “You never told us why you left so suddenly that morning. Why did you have to leave that minute and go back early to school? We assumed it had something to do with Cole. That maybe the two of you had a fight or broke up. Again, I was your age once.”
I sighed. “First off, stop saying you’re old. Because you’re not. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. That’s how I fucked up...I got scared, panicked, and left.”
“Did your mother ever tell you that we were apart for a little while?”
“Not the whole story, but yes.”
Dad smiled. “She left me in the middle of the night, and we didn’t speak for years. Not until she came home for Aunt Jo and Uncle Pat’s wedding. I was seeing someone else by the time she came back, but I still loved your mother. I always have.”
“She...What?” This was all new to me. Dad was with someone else? “What happened?”
“She got scared. We had spent an entire summer together. Your mother saved my life, Reed, but she also broke my heart at the same time.” Dad’s eyes shimmered with tears. “I was angry and had every right to be.”
I jumped up to wrap my arms around him. “But you’re happy now.”
“I’m obsessed with your mother and love her with my entire heart. Just as much as I love you, and your siblings. We had a few things to work out before we got our happily ever after. I understand why she left the way she did, but that doesn’t mean it was the right thing.” Dad squeezed me tight before he released me. “Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out.”
I squared my shoulders. “I did the same thing. To Cole, I mean. He told me he wanted to move to New York for me, and I freaked out. I didn’t want him to ruin what he had worked his entire life for.”
“Your mother and I sort of figured that out. But you’ve spoken to him now, right? Don’t think that we didn’t see Cole dropping you off this morning.” Dad raised his brows.
I shook my head. “No, I mean, yes, I’ve spoken with him, but it hurts so much to be around him. He doesn’t need me in his life anymore, Dad. He’s got everything he ever wanted.”
“But what if you’re what I wanted?” I spun around at the sound of Cole’s voice. “I wanted you, Reed. Nothing else mattered as much as you.”
I stared in shock. “How much of that did you hear?”
“All of it.” Cole moved farther into the garage. “You should have talked to me, baby. You should have told me what you were thinking. How you felt. You told me you loved me and then you left me. Do you know what that does to a person? It kind of fucked me up.”
Dad coughed softly. “I’m going to let you two talk.” He jutted his chin at Cole before he opened the door and went inside the house.
Cole and I stared at one another for what felt like hours. It was probably just a matter of seconds, but then suddenly he was next to me. His fingers gripped my chin, and he forced me to look at him. “You fucking ruined me.”
“I didn’t mean to.” My voice shook as I tried to calm my racing heart. “I wanted you to have the life you have now. You’re so fucking successful and happy. You’re living your dream.”
He barked out a bitter laugh. “I’m fucking miserable. I lost you. I’m not playing for Boston, and I can’t find happiness in anything I do. Hockey doesn’t even do it for me anymore. I hope you’re happy.”
“I—”
“I know. You’re sorry.”
I wanted to scream that I was miserable, too. That I was suffering from an eating disorder that was slowly killing me. That I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left him behind, and no man would ever be good enough. None of them were Cole Whitaker. Instead, I choked back the sob that threatened to escape, pushed his hand away from me, and turned around so he couldn’t see me as I lost control.
“Why can’t you just talk to me? Was I not good enough? Was there someone else waiting back in New York?”
“It’s not always about you!” I exclaimed. I spun around and glared at him. “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if you changed everything for me. I was terrified of not achieving my own dream, and fuck, if you...If I let you give up your dream for someone like me, I wouldn’t have been able to deal with that. You’re much better than I’ll ever be.”