The guy wheeling Julien returns from the center ring, pushing his stout body in front of me. He’s not that tall, head topped with black wavy hair covered by a striped hat. Round, blue-tinted glasses hover on the end of his straight nose. “He’s up next,” he murmurs.
“No!” I grasp at the guy’s red-tailed coat, but it’s no use. He shoves Julien toward the back of the ring, away from us.
“What are you doing? He’s drunk off his ass!” I call out after them.
“I love you, Ash! I do!” Julien squeals and shimmies while grasping the bars as if he’s getting led to a dance exhibition and not a humiliation event.
Well, shit.
“I appreciate the fact that you thought you could get Aiden Cardell,” Mutton sneers at me. “Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon after your…performance.”
My temper lights up my insides, but I calm it down with a deep breath. Placing a broad smile on my face, I turn toward her. “Didn’t think Aiden went for desperate anymore. Guess we both have regrets.”
“Honey? You’re more desperate than anyone in his vicinity. Some of us are there for a good time, but you? No.” She lets out a vicious chuckle. “You’re seeking somethingmorefrom a man who can’t give you anything.” She says it like she’s so much older, gifting me with a dose of well-seasoned advice.
I cross my arms as she lets loose a cloud of vapor around us. The sticky scent irritates me enough to say, “You seem very interested in who I am. Well, I’ll tell you. I was raised to spot catty little cunts and call them out for who they are. To fight with fists if they can’t take the fire from the truth. Never into playing nice with girls. Because they’re fake as fuck and encoded with envy.”
It’s not bragging when I say it—only fact.
“I’m not like you. I’mbetter. And that’s what scares you. And Aiden? Yeah, we’ve known each other a long time…”
With a casual shrug, I tell her exactly whoheis and slice with the final blade. “He’s the only person who ever saw the sweetness behind the sin—and never tried to suffocate either one.”
Mutton seems to understand that she’s overstepped a boundary. Didn’t know how long me and Aiden have gone back in time…
I reach through the tent flaps to grab a few plastic cups of beer sitting on an upside-down barrel.Ooh, popcorn!I’ll save it for later.
When I hand her the drink, she stares at the foamy liquid.
“Could be drugged,” I tell her honestly. “But hopefully not. What’s life without a little roulette?”
She takes a sip and nods. “It’s fine, I think.”
I raise my cup and make a toast. “To monsters. The ones we fuck…and the ones we become.”
Mutton smiles and taps her cup to mine. The beer is stale, so I set it down next to her and pace.
“So you knew him. What? In high school?”
“I was thirteen and he was fifteen when we met. Summer camp,” I tell her, like I make up for most people. Notdisciplinaryprison. That causes too many questions. “He’d sneak out of his cabin at midnight to swim in the lake with me.” And to bring me snacks in the closet after I’d been starved. Or to free me from solitary confinement until we’d both get in trouble.
Twenty stolen minutes behind the shed to figure out what desire felt like. Notes slipped during art therapy in cryptic fragments. Secret video calls and sneaky dates between summers—innocent at first. Then less so as we learned how to hurt each other in ways that feltgood.
Most of our visits ended in some heated argument.
Usually because I didn’t want him to leave…
“That’s cute,” she says, taking another deep inhale on her pen. Her blonde hair is still perfect, even after Aiden mussed it a little.
“I made him promise we’d never betray each other.” Not like they were doing to us there. Trying to get us to turn on one another to keep us apart. “Told him, ‘If I ever cry over you, I’ll make you bleed.’ He laughed…kissed my cheek like I was something worth keeping.”
My foot shuffles the sawdust on the ground. “That was the first lie.”
Mutton laughs, and it cuts through my pain, making me angry once again. “He still looks at you like he’d crawl across glass to get to you.”
I hesitate. The words make me freeze for a moment with a hope that perhaps it would be true.
“Good. I hope it hurts.” I clear my throat and twirl around in my spot. “Here’s what you don’t get, Mutton. He hardly notices you. It’s why he’s sopoliteto you and the girls like you. Nice.Distant. You think that I didn’twantto be on my knees humping his shoe while sucking him off?” My laugh is cold. “Oh, you dear dumb bitch, no. If he didn’t give a shit, he’d kiss my neck. Whisper sweet compliments in my ear.”