A wan expression covers his face. “You mean like, oh, I don’t know… Going to the Quad Cafe on Monday. Shopping at that new boutique on Wednesday. Studying in the library today.Fuck. Maybe you were serious about getting appointed to me.”
I shrug. “I come with a glorious dowry.”
Hand grasping his chin, he contemplates, then nods. “Now that you mention it, marrying a rich girl would be stellar. You could buy me all the shoes I’d want. We could build a fancy house. I’d design it.”
“Separate bedrooms,” we say in unison. Like a prayer we both forgot we already believed in.
“What are you going to bring into the situation, then? Does your family have money?”
His normally sarcastic attitude turns cold. “Alcoholism and raging physical abuse. Does that work for you?”
“Ah…so no alcohol.”
With another sip of his drink, he swallows and clears his throat. Voice dropping to a muted tone, he asks, “Could you do that?” He seems half-serious.
“Give up drinking? Sure.” I shrug, but give him a wink. “But only if I can have big, burly boyfriends over on weekends.”
“Well, you’d have tosharethem.”
I throw out my hand for him to shake. “Deal.”
“Okay, so we’ll invite one bisexual bear for both of us.” His eyes glint with pride…like he confessed something he’s never once gotten close to saying aloud.
It makes me feel weird. Like, should I say something? No, because if I do, I could embarrass him.
Instead, I get up and cross to the other side of the long study table. He startles when I push him back enough so I can sit in his lap and plant a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks.”
“God, for what? I don’t like this.” But his grin says otherwise.
I let loose a whispered laugh. Despite his protest, he squeezes me tightly for a moment...then pushes me off him.
“For beingsuchan amazing friend. I’ve never really had one before.”
When I settle back in my chair, legs crisscrossed, he takes a long drink of his coffee and asks, “Why is that?”
“I was born…different, I guess. Probably because all of my older sisters were mean to me, and I learned to be tough. My parents were trying for a boy for a long time, and I was another disappointment. I happened to be the last before the goldenchild came along. My sisters were…good, you know? They were into all the things my mom liked. I wasn’t interested in that stuff. Nails and dresses and boys. Not until…”
The lake at The Crest. Waves rushing along the rocky beach. Diving into the water at midnight. Holding hands. My first kiss…
“Not until later. Or maybe ever. I don’t know. The girls at school hated me because boys showed me attention, even though I didn’t like them in that way. They thought I was trying to steal their boyfriends. But I wasn’t even into them.” I shrug as I think back to the first fistfight I got into in seventh grade. “My dad’s a boxer. Taught me how to take a hit and throw one harder. So I did. And then…they say I went too far.”
Once a therapist deduced I’d learned that attention only came when I was bad. That neglect teaches you things—like confusing pain with affection. She had theories about why rough sex feels good to me.
I say I like it because I enjoy pissing Aiden off.
Fury rises in my gut as I remember getting herded into the girls’ locker room by Luna and her little posse. Apparently, whoever the cool guy was that week told her I’d kissed him. I don’t think I’d ever spoken to him before. Why would I? I hated everyone equally.
“This girl cornered me with about five of her dance team friends in the bathroom. They pulled out chunks of my hair and got a few punches in. When I got free, I unleashed on Luna, the head bitch. It was like every bit of rage I couldn’t take out on my sisters was in that first swing. Took her down to the ground.”
Blood on the green tiles. Ceramic shattering as I bashed her head in repeatedly until the janitor rushed in to stop me. Even while he held me back, I kept trying to scratch Luna’s eyes out. Dirty cunt.
“Damn. What happened?” Julien’s throat tightens as heswallows, waiting on the edge of his seat for the end of the tale. Only he doesn’t know it was the beginning of my sad story.
“She got a concussion, needed stitches, jaw broken. Her parents threatened to press charges, but because the girls jumpedme, they couldn’t do much. As part of the mediation, however, my parents agreed to send me to thisdisciplinarycamp. To learnleadershipskills every summer from then on through my high school years.”
I down the rest of my coffee like I’m finishing up. Because he doesn’t need to know the rest.
No one does.