“That girl,” he adds, voice flat, “has always been a destabilizing variable in your life. You spiral when she’s near you. I won’t bankroll that kind of liability twice.”
“I did what I needed to do,” I tell him quietly. The same answer I’ve always given.
“Yes,” he replies, calm as ever. “And I handled the aftermath.” His fingers tap once against the desk. “I kept people quiet. I made sure no one went looking too hard for the man you and that girl buried.”
I nod. But I’ll never apologize. Not for that.
It should be easy to tell him all of my plan—the fissure under my skin, the strategy I’ve been carving. But the thing about saying the truth out loud is that you can’t put it back. I breathe and force the shape of it anyway.
“I get it, Dad. You’ve seen me as the son to step up anddo the right thingfor the family, while Ryan was off doingwhatever he wanted. And Henry…well, we know he’s too innocent to choose the hard thing to do sometimes. But me? You trusted me to becomeyourcontrollable asset. To follow the rules enough to keep the Society off our backs. Then to dismantle them from the inside.”
He braces his elbows on the desk. “You’rethe one I rely on, Aiden. We need to get you onto the board so we can at least save Northview.” His face falls for a moment, along with his shoulders. “I’ve got bigger problems to worry about than the school. As you know.”
“The disease has metastasized. I get it. You want me to focus my energies on Northview, while you’re busy elsewhere.”
“Notwant. Itrustyou to. Do you get that? Ryan and your sister have already caused us unwanted attention for choosing outside of their approved appointments. Which is why we need Valen and West Tech Industries in our corner. And why, if youdon’t follow throughwith Hailey Twinston, the new committees could, at best, throw me off the board.”
Lowering my voice, I grumble, “At worst, kill our family.” And then, lifting my chin, I argue, “But they’ve already started ignoring the board completely. Going without your input?—”
“And we can bring that to the attention of the elders. Replace the sub-committees with ones of our own. Assign your brothers to some. Valen on one. There will be others we can rely on.”
“But that may takeyears.”
“It’s been building for over twenty-five years by this point. Don’t you think I haven’t tried already? But it’sbeen me alonesaving us. Keeping them off our backs. I raised you all to become agents to destroy their systems.”
My heart hurts. I know what he wants me to do… Pretend. Follow orders.
Emotion heats my eyes as I lift my gaze to him with allsincerity. “I don’t want to marry her.” I can’t bear to lie that cleanly. “I want?—”
“Stop.” His finger raises, and his face fumes red. “Do younotremember how devastated you were? Aiden—” Abruptly, he stands and shoves the chair back with his thighs. Hands furiously rush through his black locks as he paces, gaze steady on the floor. Pacing back and forth along the side of the room near the sliding glass doors leading to the deck.
Guilt hits me like a ton of bricks. I know what he’s going to say.
“Aiden? I was the one who found you with the noose.”
“But it wasn’t forme—” I try to explain for the hundredth time, to no avail.
“I’m not stupid. After what she did to you, if I hadn’t been there in time… If you didn’t know I’d come home from work… If?—”
His version of the story always makes me think…maybe somewhere in my mind, Ihadplanned on ending my life after what Ashlyn did. I turned the rope over several times. Knew I was going to dosomethingwith it. Either kill her or Moretti.
Possibly myself.
I tested its strength on the doorknob of my bedroom downstairs. Not exactly sure what I was doing. It was a week I was “sick” and home from school after she crushed me. Said I had the flu. And I relished the moments alone.
Did I slip it over my own neck? Yes. But that was only to see how it felt. What Moretti or Ashlyn would feel.
I wasn’tsuicidal—I don’t think.
Doesn’t fucking matter. Dad found me there, rope tied around me, practicing whatever. It was the only time I’d seen him cry. The shock was enough to scare the shit out of me, so I never did something like that again. Especially when he threatened to take me out himself if Mom ever found out.
“I’m not thinking about shit like that, Dad. I have a wayaround this. Out of it. I need a bit oftime, and then I can figure out how to get her.”
“I don’t want you near her.”
Fire lights under my ass until I stand and match his stance—hands on hips, narrowed gaze. Some would say we’re identical twins. Black, shaggy hair, piercing blue eyes, tall and broad-shouldered. Devoid of a lot of emotion for most things…
“Too bad. I’ve been thegood boyfor you. And I’m done. I tried to come to you for your blessing, but I can see it’s pointless. I’ll handle this on my own.”