When the final bell rings, I should feel relief. Instead, I feel paralyzed. Going home means facing him. Facing what I've done. Facing the possibility that he might never forgive me for bonding him and then abandoning him like he didn't matter.
But I can't keep running. I need help figuring out how to fix this, and Jason has always been my sounding board when things get complicated. And things have never been more complicated than they are right now.
The design studio is quiet when I arrive, most of the staff already gone for the day. Jason is at his desk, headphones on, focused on his computer screen. He doesn't notice me until I'm standing right beside him.
"Nick!" He pulls off his headphones, surprise giving way to concern as he takes in my appearance. "Holy shit, you look terrible. What's wrong?"
"I need to talk," I manage, my voice rough.
Jason doesn't hesitate. "Of course." He grabs his jacket and leads me outside to the small courtyard behind the building, where a few metal tables provide a private spot to talk. "What's going on? You look like you're about to collapse."
The concern in his voice nearly undoes me. I've always been the strong one, the older brother with his life together. Now I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams.
"I did something," I begin, the words catching in my throat. "Something I can't take back."
Jason's expression turns serious. "Are you in trouble? Did something happen at school?"
"No, nothing like that." I run a hand through my hair, struggling to find the right words. "It's him. He...he went into heat. While he was staying at my place."
Understanding dawns in Jason's eyes. "And you helped him through it?"
I nod, not trusting my voice.
"That's...unexpected," Jason says carefully. "But not the end of the world. You're both adults. These things happen."
"There's more." I swallow hard, forcing myself to meet his gaze. "We bonded. Permanently. And then I panicked and left him alone this morning."
Jason's eyes widen. "Holy shit," he breathes. "You bonded him and then left?"
"I freaked out," I say quickly, defensively. "It wasn't planned. It just...happened. During his heat. I lost control and bit him, and then when I woke up and realized what I'd done, I couldn't face it. Couldn't face him."
"Mated," Jason supplies softly. "You're mated to him."
Hearing it stated so plainly makes it real in a way nothing else has. I'm mated to him. My male best friend is now my omega. And I left him alone the morning after, like he meant nothing.
"I'm just like him, aren't I?" I say, the fear that's been haunting me all day finally finding voice. "Just like Dad. Making permanent decisions based on biology and then running when things get complicated."
Jason's expression softens with understanding. "Is that what you're afraid of? That you're turning into Dad?"
I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.
"Nick, you're nothing like him," Jason says firmly. "Dad left us because he was selfish and weak. You're here, freaking out because you care about him and you're worried about hurting him. Those are completely different things."
"But I did hurt him," I argue, guilt washing over me anew. "I bonded him and then left him alone. I just...I couldn't face what it meant. What I'd done to him."
"Okay, that was a dick move," Jason concedes. "But you're here now, trying to figure it out. That already makes you different from Dad."
He's right, but it doesn't ease the turmoil inside me. "I don't know how to fix this," I admit, voicing my deepest fear. "What if he can't forgive me? What if I've already screwed this up beyond repair?"
Jason studies me for a long moment, his expression thoughtful. "Can I ask you something? How do you feel about him? About the bond?"
"I love him," I say without hesitation. "I've been in love with him for years. I just didn't understand what I was feeling because I thought I was straight."
"And the bond? Do you regret it?"
I consider the question honestly. "I regret how it happened. I regret that it wasn't his choice. I regret leaving him alone afterward." I pause, meeting his eyes. "But I don't regret being bonded to him. I just wish I'd done it right."
Jason smiles slightly. "Then that's what you tell him."