Ellie's eyes narrow. She may be an alpha like Nick, but where his alpha energy is warm and protective, hers has always been sharp and perceptive. She sees too much, understands too quickly.
"He left you alone? After..." She stops, her eyes finding my neck, widening as she takes in the mark I haven't bothered to hide. "Jesus fucking Christ, Micah. He bonded you?"
I can't hold her gaze. "Yes."
"Nick did that?"
"Yes."
"During your heat?"
"Yes."
"And then he panicked and left?" Her voice is getting dangerous now, the way it does when someone has seriously pissed her off.
"He said he couldn't think straight," I say, the words coming out smaller than I intended. "That he needed space."
"Space." She repeats the word like it tastes bad. "He permanently bonded you and then needed space to process it."
When she puts it like that, it sounds even worse.
The simple truth of it, spoken aloud by someone else, breaks the last of my composure. I sink onto Nick's couch, my face in my hands, as tears finally come.
"Oh, Micah." Ellie sits beside me, her arm around my shoulders. "Tell me everything."
So I do. I tell her about the unexpected heat, about Nick's offer to help, about how what started as friendship evolved into physical intimacy. I tell her about the unspoken feelings between us and how Nick couldn't acknowledge them. About how he's been trying to compensate with physical care ever since. I tell her about the bond forming accidentally, about Nick's horror afterward, about waking up alone.
"So let me get this straight," Ellie says when I finish, her voice carefully controlled. "Nick has known how you feel about him since your first night together. He couldn't acknowledge it back. But instead of talking about it or figuring out what that meant, he bonded you permanently during heat and then panicked and ran."
Hearing it laid out like that makes it sound even worse. "He was overwhelmed. The bond...it just happened."
"Did it just happen?" Ellie asks bluntly. "Bonds don't form accidentally, Micah. There's always a choice, even in the heat of the moment. And he made his choice, then immediately freaked out about it."
Each word cuts deeper than she could know. "You think he regrets it."
"I think," Ellie says carefully, "that Nick just permanently tied himself to someone he's afraid to admit he loves, and he's probably terrified about what that means."
The words stop me cold. "What?"
"Come on, Micah. You've been best friends for nine years. He just risked everything to help you through heat, then bonded you in the middle of it. You really think that was just biology?"
I touch the mark on my neck, suddenly uncertain. "But he ran—"
"Because he's scared," Ellie says gently. "Being in love doesn't make people brave. Sometimes it makes them do stupid things out of fear."
"But he did love me," I protest weakly. "In his way. He cared about me."
"Caring about someone and loving them are two different things, sweetie. And bonding someone you care about but can't love? That's not romantic. That's..." She searches for the word. "It's complicated as hell."
The word hits me hard. Complicated. That's what this is, isn't it? Not cruelty, but a mess of good intentions and biology and feelings that don't line up the way they should.
"What if he can't accept it?" I whisper, voicing my deepest fear. "What if he wants to try to break the bond?"
Ellie's arm tightens around my shoulders. "Then he's not ready for what he's done. But Micah...even if he comes back, even if he tries to make this work, you need to think about what that means. Can you be with someone who bonded you but might never be able to love you the way you love him?"
The question cuts to the heart of everything I've been trying not to think about. Because that's what this was, wasn't it? Nick couldn't give me love, so he gave me a bond instead. Not from malice, but from confusion, from wanting to give me something when he couldn't give me everything.
"I don't know," I admit. "I've loved him for so long, I don't know how to stop. And now, with the bond..."