He replies almost instantly.
Bear:You okay?
Me:Rough day. But I made pancakes. That helped.
Bear:Pancakes are sacred. Good choice.
Me:And mac and cheese.
Bear:Living dangerously.
I smile in the dark.
Me:Thanks for not pushing today.
There's a pause this time.
Bear:I wanted to. But some things are better left for later.
Me:I don't know what happens next.
Bear:Neither do I.
It's less flirty than before. Less teasing. There's still warmth, but now it's wrapped in something heavier, the fear that reaching too far might break everything.
But it's still easier to sit here in the dark on my couch and think I'm texting Bear. I don't have to reconcile in my head who Bear really is. I know at some point I'll have to, but that won't be tonight.
Me:I keep trying to draw a line. Then I just step over it again.
Bear:Yeah. I know the feeling.
I stare at his words longer than I should.
Me:Are you mad at me?
Bear:No. I'm just... trying to figure out where this goes.
Me:Me too.
We sit in silence for a while, and I imagine him doing the same. Somewhere out on that ranch, probably standing on a porch or leaning against a doorway. Arms crossed. Eyes tired.
I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on them.
Me:I like talking to you. More than I should.
Bear:Me too.
Me:Even if you are a little bossy.
Bear:Comes with the territory of being the oldest brother.
Me:I'll allow it... for now.
Bear:Generous of you.
I should say goodnight. Put the phone down and get some sleep. But my thumb hovers over the keyboard.
Me:Did you mean what you said earlier? About falling for something you shouldn't?