I slam the laptop shut.
Pushing out of my chair, I walk to the window and look out at the little main street leading toward the lake below. People are strolling, enjoying the day. Someone is hauling a sack of groceries to an old truck. Real life unfolds below, and they don’t know I'm standing behind glass, as I watch from my apartment above one of the shops on the square, wondering if I'm about to hurt them all.
I pull out my phone and scroll through the texts I've exchanged with Bear. His name in my contacts makes me smile and ache all at once. There's one from last night. Something about wanting to hear my laugh. It’s sweet and disarming.
I start to type a reply, then delete it. Then start again.
And stop.
Because the thing I want to say most is the one thing I can't.
Who are you really?
I want to know if he's someone I've crossed paths with. Someone I know in town. It's not like I haven't tried to figure it out. I'vehovered over the idea of asking for a photo, or even searching his number online. But it feels wrong, like pulling at the thread of something that's just starting to feel real.
Pocketing my phone, I stand up. I need air. I need out. Finally, I decide to head out early and stop by the diner for one of their iced coffees before I go pick up Emma.
When I push open the door of the diner, the familiar jingle of the bell overhead greets me. The place smells of fresh-baked biscuits and fried bacon, and it's the kind of scent that makes my shoulders droop a little. Austin, the owner, stands behind the counter, wiping down a tray. She glances up, eyes crinkling.
"Well, well, changing the world herself. What brings you in here at this time of day?"
"Just needed some caffeine and a familiar face," I say, sliding onto one of the stools. "Rough morning."
She raises an eyebrow. "Rough like bad coffee? Or rough like corporate nonsense?"
"The second one," I mutter.
Austin pours with practiced ease cold brew over ice, the way she knows I like it. "That's what I thought. You've got the same look my sister gets before she fires someone she secretly likes from their ranch."
"It's not quite that." I pause. "But I might have to choose between doing what's right and doing what's required."
She sets the iced coffee in front of me and leans forward. "Then make sure you can sleep at night, Kassi. That's the only thing that matters in a place like this. We don't forget who helped and who didn't."
I stir the coffee slowly. "Thanks, Austin. That actually helps more than you know."
She nods. "That's what I'm here for. And your usual's on the house today. Call it a community discount."
I smile. "You're gonna make me cry in public."
"Then take it to go," she says, winking.
By the time I pull up outside Emma's school, the guilt is sitting heavier than ever. She comes barreling down the sidewalk, backpack bouncing, hair a mess, and joy in every step. I open the car door, and she climbs in with all the grace of a puppy.
"Guess what?" she announces.
"What?"
"We had a spelling test, and I only got one wrong."
"That's amazing, baby. What word?"
"Entrepreneur. That word is dumb. But it was only a bonus word, and no one in class got it. "
I laugh because she's not wrong.
She buckles in and glances sideways at me. "Are you still smiling about that boy?"
I blink. "What boy?"