“Yeah, it is. ‘For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.’”
“Stop it.” A weird light had come into his eyes when he’d repeated the scripture (Ephesians 2:8-9; ask me how I knew). “Stop acting like Mom.”
“I’m not acting like Mom,” he said. “I just happen to love God thanks to her. I’m not going to let you trick me into thinking that’s wrong.”
A pocket of dread had opened up in my chest. “I’m not trying totrickyou, Matt.” I forced myself to take a breath because my voice had gotten louder as I’d become more panicked by the way Matt was acting. “I’m just saying that you — we — are entitled to choose what we believe, and that’s hard to do when Mom is telling you howshethinks it is 24/7.”
“Whatever,” he said. “I need to get back inside. Why are you here?”
I felt sick. The last time I’d come to see Matt he’d been happy to see me. We’dlaughedabout his latest infraction — a lie about a video game he liked to play.
But he was right. We were running out of time, and I didn’t want to spend the little time we had together arguing about religion and our mom.
“I wanted to tell you that I had to leave my apartment for a bit. I know I gave you the address in case of emergency, in case you need a place to go, but I’m not living there right now.”
Giving Matt a place to go had been as big a reason for leaving my mom’s house as my own mental health crisis. Before, neither of us had a place to go. Leaving was hard for me: I’d had to start from scratch. I didn’t want Matt in that position. I wanted him to have a place to go if he needed an escape.
“Okay?” He said it like I was stupid, like he’d never intended to take me up on the offer of a place to stay anyway.
“Okay, I just wanted you to know so you didn’t show up there and wonder what happened to me.”
“Uh, okay, cool. Thanks for letting me know,” he said.
“Sure.” I sounded as deflated as I felt. I didn’t expect Matt to be grateful for the work I’d done to secure us a place away fromour mom — I’d chosen to do that on my own — but I also never expected him to be so dismissive of my effort to be there for him.
He shifted on his feet. “So, uh, where are you staying then?”
He didn’t really care, that much was obvious, but I still wanted to take advantage of every second I had with him. Who knew how long it would be before I saw him again?
“With some friends on the mountain.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them.
Jesus. Matt was on Team Mom and I was calling the Bastards friends.
Hell really had frozen over.
“And you’re, I don’t know, safe there?”
I thought about the question. Was I safe with the Bastards up on the mountain? That remained to be seen, but if I wasn’t, it was because of my own desire for them, not because they would hurt me.
One thing I did know: I was safer with Nolan, Jude, and Rafe than I’d been at my mom’s.
Safer than Matt was at my mom’s.
“Yeah, I’m safe.”
“Good.” His gaze cut to the open window. “I, uh, I have to go.”
I nodded. “I still have the same number. Call if you have an emergency. I’ll come, any time of the day or night.”
“Thanks.” He gave a quick half-hearted hug, then hoisted himself back through the open window and started to close it.
“Matt!”
He sighed. “What?”
“I’ll always come.”
I held his gaze until he shut the window and disappeared inside.