“Or… upset or something.”
“Because you kissed Jude?”
“Well, yeah. You and I… well… we…” Oh my fucking god. Why couldn’t I get the words out? Why was my face on fire? Why did I want the kitchen floor to open up and swallow me whole?
Jude threw me a lifeline. “You made out at the beach. I figured.”
“You figured,” I repeated.
“Yeah, and I was definitely jealous, but it was your call. It’s always your call, boss.”
I rubbed my temples. “What’s my call exactly?”
“Which of us you fuck around with,” Jude said matter-of-factly. “Nolan, me… Nolan and me, Nolan and Rafe, Me and Rafe, all three of us, any combo of the above.”
“Oh my god,” I said. “I do not want to fuck around with Rafe.”
Jude grinned magnanimously. “Like I said, your call.”
“Wait… you said… Nolanandyou.”
Jude gave me a patient nod. “Right.”
I looked at Nolan, who looked like this was a perfectly normal conversation to be having in the kitchen at two in the morning. “That’s why you’re not mad? Because you want to… share me?”
My voice had gone up an octave at the end of my sentence and I was aware that I was starting to sound vaguely unhinged.
Nolan’s blue-green eyes turned molten. “‘Want’ isn’t the word I’d use, sweetheart.”
“Let’s just say we do things together,” Jude said. “Lots of things.”
“Lots of things…” Why was I repeating everything they said? And why did I want to rip out the hair of any girl who’d ever been with them both?
I rubbed my forehead with a sigh. It was too late for this conversation. Or too early. Or whatever. Basically, I was on overload, my moment at the beach with Nolan blending into the kiss with Jude, the information about Rafe and their time in the military mingling together in an epic shit storm of new information I didn’t have the bandwidth to process.
“I’m going to assume this is a fucked-up dream,” I said, heading for the living room.
The fire in the fireplace, stoked by Jude before he’d started the grilled cheese, was burning soft and low, casting the dark room in a cozy glow.
“Is he okay?” I asked, turning back when I reached the hall.
“Rafe?” Nolan asked.
I nodded, hating that I cared.
“He’s good.”
I hoped they wouldn’t hold the question — or the multiple make-out sessions — against me when the sun came up, but one thing was clear: I had to get away from the three men who had once loomed large only in my imagination.
And fast.
29
NOLAN
She was embarrassedwhen she came down to breakfast the next morning, something that was obvious from the way her cheeks flushed when Jude and I said good morning.
Fucking adorable.