Our gazes held and for a long moment I felt like the world stopped spinning, like the universe was holding its breath.
She gestured toward the hall leading to the stairs. “I’m going to get dressed so I’ll be ready to go when the roads are cleared.”
“Right,” I said, taking a step back so she could pass. She was halfway down the hall when I remembered something. “Lilah?”
She looked over her shoulder, and I suddenly wished I was artistic like Jude so I could capture the image: a still-damp Lilah looking back at me over her shoulder, moisture beading on her skin, her full lips parted. “Yeah?”
“Jude found a charger for your phone.”
She nodded. “Thanks.”
I watched her full hips sway under the towel with a mixture of lust and regret I didn’t want to untangle.
It didn’t matter. She’d be gone soon.
And that was for the best.
13
LILAH
I satin the front seat of a black Range Rover while Jude drove. It seemed like overkill to have Rafe and Nolan in the back seat, but they’d insisted on coming to my apartment as a group to scope it out and make sure it was safe.
I didn’t know what to do with this weirdly chivalrous version of the Bastards. Probably they just wanted to sanitize their conscience. They had to know what they’d done to me in high school was fucked up even if they hadn’t been there for all of the fallout.
I wasn’t interested in being an instrument of their character rehab but I would have been lying if I said it wasn’t comforting to have them all in the car. The truth was, I didn’t know what awaited me at my apartment and I was more than a little glad to have three huge former Navy SEALs on my side, if only for the next ten minutes.
After that, it was so long, goodbye, hope to see you never.
I ignored the twinge in my chest. It was only human to be grateful. They’d saved my ass last night, and Nolan had been especially nice about administering first aid and giving me meds for my AVS. I remembered the way he’d looked at me outside thesauna, like his blue-green eyes could see right through me, and felt my face get hot.
And okay, I was hot in other places too, but that was just biology. All the more reason to say good riddance and never look back. My history with Rafe, Nolan, and Jude had always been confusing, but only because I’d never understood why they’d done what they’d done. There had only ever been one thing I’d known, one thing I’d been sure of: they were fucking bastards.
I didn’t need Nolan’s gentle hands and Jude’s soulful puppy-dog eyes to make me second-guess my assessment.
As for Rafe, well, Rafe Maddox would always be the biggest bastard of all.
“This it?” Jude asked, making a right-hand turn.
He looked stupidly attractive in the dim light leaking in from the streetlights, his short hair highlighting cheekbones that could cut glass. His big hands gripped the steering wheel and I was annoyed to feel heat rush between my thighs.
“Yep,” I said, relieved when my voice came out sounding normal. “It’s about a half mile up, on the left.”
The roads had been clear coming off the mountain, but the pavement was still slippery, the surrounding trees covered with a thick layer of snow. I'd always liked driving right after a big snowstorm when the roads were empty, the world still hushed as everyone shook themselves from their imposed hibernation.
Now the silence felt dangerous.
Ominous.
Once I was back in my apartment I was on my own. It wasn’t like it was the first time. I’d been on my own since I was eighteen, cut off by my mom for being an “unrepentant sinner,” separated from Matt, ostracized from everyone I’d known in high school, which to be fair wasn’t very many people.
It was fine. I’d done okay. I’d worked hard for the little I had, supported myself, paid my bills (mostly) on time, went to the gym and learned to defend myself.
I hadn’t thought much about it before. It was just the way it was, the way it had been since I’d left home.
But now I really felt it. I was alone.
Like,alonealone.