He shifts, turning to face me more. “Oh, no. No, Cassius, you have me all wrong.” He cups my cheek with his warm palm, his thumb brushing my skin gently. “The problem isn’t that I want you gone; it’s that I want you too much.”
Chapter Fourteen
Harmon
After Cassius left last night, I’d gone to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. There were too many thoughts circling my head, too many issues that needed resolving. It was the issue at work with the prototype that wouldn’t leave me alone… almost like a warning that the problem would become bigger today.
Ferroix has already teased this design and are claiming they had no idea the designs were stolen, meaning this isn’t a simple thing. It’s not as easy as the cease-and-desist. This is court with lawyers and messes and money and PR I don’t want—or maybe I do want. Maybe people will side with me and buy our product because they don’t like a thief. Or, on the other hand, they will think we are the liars and that we are jealous, so we are trying to make a rival company look bad. It can go either way, with no way to tell what will happen.
But the tossing and turning last night wasn’t only because of work. As much as I don’t want to deal with problems, it comeswith the job. I’ve dealt with plenty of them over the years, and I will deal with it plenty more. That’s how it is in the business.
I was up a lot of the night because I couldn’t stop thinking about Cassius and how perfect he is in every way. He’s a great learner, he listens well and takes direction even better. Don’t get me started on the way he looks in his little uniform—or even better, the way he looks naked. Curves in all the right places. Toned in all the right places. The way his skin turns the slightest shade of pink when he bent over for me, though he claimed he was comfortable. He may be okay doing it, but he still has some semblance of modesty in there somewhere.
The things I want to do to him… that I’ve thought of doing to him.
I’ve reminded myself a hundred times that not having control is for the weak, and if I want to do this with Cassius, I need to be strong. I need to have the strength to keep a solid boundary line. It’s the only way this works. It’s the only way I can have what I need.
The smart thing would be to let him go, but I don’t want to. I want him in a way I shouldn’t; in a way I haven’t wanted something in a very long time.
I shouldn’t have told him how badly I want him, but as it has before with him, things fall from my mouth. It’s dangerous to be so tempted by him… by this.
I know what I need in life to survive. I know what feeds my cravings. I’ve done this long enough to get what I needwithout going too far. I’m perfectly fine with it. It’s satisfying. It’s enough—it’s always been enough. Before…
Yet for some reason, Cassius makes me want more. The scariest part of all is it’s only been a day. How will I feel after a week? A month?
It’s ludicrous considering I hardly know him and he’s half my age. What would people think? This would be another PR disaster that I don’t need. It could ruin my entire life. Certainly my career. I was warned of that years ago, from my father. I saw him destroy people’s lives for the same thing… for lesser. It’s not worth the risk.
No, my private life needs to stay private. No one can know what I like to do in the privacy of my home. I have an image to protect.
Which, again, is why picking someone else would be smart, someone who hasn’t wiggled their way into my head—but there is no one else.
I’ve been searching for someone for months, and there’s been nothing.Nothing. He is my first prospect that made it to step two in three years. That is a long time to go without satisfying my needs and cravings.
Maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Maybe I’m panicking. It could be the excitement over having this after not having it for so long. Maybe instead of things getting worse over time, they will get better. Easier. Calmer.
All I know for now is that I am desperate for Cassius Carr.
I just need to remember that we have rules and boundaries.
Sticking to them shouldn’t be this difficult. I am a professional. I can do this. I have to.
Friday is lonely without him, but he’s done an amazing job all week. He didn’t complain again about taking things slow. He asked more questions, did as I asked, and picked up the routine quickly. See, choosing to take a step back was the right choice. I need to keep things slow and steady, so I don’t get ahead of myself. That first night, I thought I was going to lose control. I so badly wanted to make him come. I wanted to feel the heat of his cum all over me… taste it too.
But no… we aren’t there. We can’t get that far. Not yet.
It’s a little after five in the morning, so when my phone dings with a text, I check it immediately. Only bad things require my knowledge on the weekends.
I’m relieved when I see the text is not a problem after all.
Cassius
Wow. You really meant it. Five grand!
Me
I keep my word.
*kissyface emoji*