He’s all that matters. Him and his wonderful sisters. A family. That’s what I care about. I just want a family. I want to be accepted. I want to be part of something.
I jab the button to start the car, but nothing happens. I do it again, pushing harder. Something pops up on the screen, but the words are blurry. Something about a pedal? I push the button one more time and it won’t start. Everything starts to spin, and the interior light goes off, basking me in darkness.
I rest my head back, gritting my teeth, and a sob rolls out of me. Just one at first, but then another and another. My chest burns, my body is shaking. I can’t see a damn thing.
I sit there and let it all out. Alone. In the parking lot of some dive bar. I’ll be lucky if someone kills me here.
But unfortunately, no one bothers me at all, and it’s the shining sun that wakes me in the morning with the audacity to be bright and happy… as if there’s something to be happy about.
Chapter Fifty-One
Cassius
“I still don’t think we should do this,” I say as I pull into the parking garage.
“Well, we’re adults and we have adult things to do, Cassius,” Cammy responds with a huff.
“Thanks for being sympathetic, sis,” I mutter as I find a parking spot and turn into it.
“Sympathy isn’t going to help you.”
She opens the door as soon as the car comes to a stop, but I wait.
I know she’s upset, though she won’t admit it. Not about me and my moping, but because she let Harmon in too. And he disappointed us. Just like everyone else has. Her taking it out on me hurts, but it’s a good distraction. If she keeps berating me, I’m not thinking about Harmon.
Which is going to be difficult to do today… at his office.
Even though he won’t be here, it doesn’t mean a damn thing.
Even though I’ll be on a different floor, it doesn’t mean a damn thing!
The city reminds me of him. The view. The elevator. The fucking parking garage. Everything here reminds me of him.
But Cammy is right. We have responsibilities. We took a week to take care of Chrissy. Now it’s Monday and we’re reporting for work. We’re starting fresh and moving on with our lives. I’ll get over it, eventually. I mean, I have to, right? I can’t be upset about him forever. And maybe when I get some experience under my belt here, I can find a new job. One that won’t remind me of him at every turn. So this, like everything else has been in my life, is only temporary.
I shut the car off and hurry after Cammy who is already inside the building.
“You look very pretty,” I say to her.
“You already told me that,” she grumbles as she stabs the button for the elevator even though it was already lit up.
The elevator bay is small with a couch no one uses and an end table with an arrangement of fake flowers. There is only one elevator that comes down this far, and across from it is the staircase door. Other than that, it’s empty.
“I just want to make sure you know.”
“Of course, I know, Cassius. I did it on purpose.”
The elevator reaches us, and we step on, the doors closing. It stops on the first floor and a ton of people file in. I feel like we’re in a sardine can.
“Do you want to get lunch together today?” Iask her.
“I have no idea what my day looks like, Cassius.” Her arms are crossed, gaze fixed on the numbers telling us which floor we’re on.
“I’m trying here,” I whisper.
“Maybe you should stop,” she says, her voice cracking.
The elevator makes its way up, stopping on every other floor. People file out and eventually I’m not on top of Cammy anymore and can breathe. She looks relieved by it. It shouldn’t hurt my feelings, but it does. Even if I know this isn’t because of me, it still feels like it is. I’m the one who brought him into our home. I’m the one who opened us up to this. I let him into our lives, and he hurt all of us. That’s on me.