He dips it back in, taking a few breaths before easing himself into the water. Leaning back, his eyes fall closed and he sinks deeper in, the steam rising up around him.
I dim the lights, leaving them on only enough for us to see, and then I climb in across from him and lie back against the opposite edge.
It’s quiet for a long time… but not empty. It’s a different sort of quiet than what I’m used to. It’s something I never thought I’d get—silence and comfort with another person.
I told him I don’t do relationships, and I don’t. But he makes me think that maybe I could. That maybe, with Cassius, I could have a partner. Things with him are easy, almost natural. But my issues with having a partner don’t lie with the person. That’s only one part of it. A big part, of course, but not the biggest.
There have been other people I’ve been comfortable with. Slaves I’ve had for longer periods of time that I’ve almost crossed lines with.
Almost.
Cassius is different. He’s special. I am well aware that everything I do with him is a mistake. It shouldn’t happen. Yet I can’t bring myself to stop.
Being with him, like this, always, could be a good thing.
Except for everyone else.
The way the company would see me. The public. My sales would take a dip. People would boycott. Investors would drop. It would be a catastrophe. It would be my livelihood. It’s the one thing my father hated the most and he planted that seed in this company a long, long time ago. I’ve done my best not to water it, to let it be and die away, but it’s still there. It’s still toxic. And the problem is it isn’t the only seed. It doesn’t only belong to him. They’re everywhere.
Cassius and I could keep it a secret, but for how long? Everything always gets out. It’s a surprise I’ve kept what I do behind closed doors a secret for this long.
Only me and my slaves know what I like, and I’ve treated them well, so they’ve never wanted to hold it over my head. There were the NDAs of course, but they don’t stop people from talking. They just put a bit of fear into someone to not talk in the first place. Because if they did, the damage would be done, and the repercussions for them would be pointless.
But if Cassius and I move forward… people would know. His family, maybe. I couldn’t ask him to lie to everyone, to keep it a secret from everyone. How dare I consider asking Cassius to hide who he is? To keep this a secret? I couldn’t do that to him. I won’t.
All of this concern going on in my head and who’s to say I have to worry about it at all? He said he was fine with what we are doing, so why am I concerning myself with more? There won’t be more. There doesn’t have to be.
But if there was… I could see it with him.
“I can’t remember the last time I took a bath,” he says, his voice calm.
“I take one at least once a week,” I respond.
“Do you really?” I don’t miss the humor in his voice.
“It’s good for relaxing.”
He hums a sound, letting me know he heard me, then says, “The last time I took a bath, it was in an over-sized bucket when I was four.”
I open my eyes to look at him to see if he’s joking. The look on his face tells me he’s entirely serious. I don’t like the way it makes me feel.
“I’m sorry for that,” I say.
“Nothing to be sorry for.”
“I hope your apartment has a bathtub.”
“Oh, it does.” He laughs. “But I’m too big for it.”
I can’t imagine what it would be like to want something and not have it.
Well, that’s not entirely true, now is it?
I know exactly what it’s like to want something and not have it. I don’t choose to not be in a relationship because it’s what I want, it’s just what I need to do. But anything else? It’s unfathomable.
“Maybe one day you will buy a house that has a bathtub as big as this,” I say.
“Yeah… maybe.”