“Stop. Just stop and listen.” She pulls me forward until her breasts brush my chest, physically grounding me to her. “I can’t pretend I can make sense of how I’ve gotten here, of how I went from being a broke music student with few friends and almost no family to being the most popular girl on every hitman’s to-do list.” I groan and Lena gives me a weak smile.
“But,” she says, “no matter how insane my life has become, I have to be honest with myself about at least one thing. That, for better or worse, I’ve also gained something I’ve never had before: someone willing to fight for me, to stand beside me, to protect me and love me, no matter what. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I’m not on my own. And that’s not something I’m giving up without a fight.”
I stare down at Lena, dumbfounded. She touches one finger to the corner of my mouth, a promise of a caress that lights up my veins.
“You’re my family, Rem. You’re mine just as much as I’m yours. I love you. And I’m not giving you up without a fight.”
39
LENA
Rem is a statue, unblinking, frozen against me.
“I love you,” I repeat. I thought saying it would make me more freaked out than I already am, but it has the opposite effect. The more I say it, the more certain I am that I’m right. Not just about how I feel, but about my decision to stay by his side.
My time at the hotel was supposed to give me a moment to get my head straight, to think through what being with Rem would mean, and if I could cope with why he ended up in my life to begin with.
Aldo’s abrupt arrival and revelations about Maria threw all of that out the window. For so long I’ve felt like life was something that happenedtome. A series of mundane days and months punctuated by trivial trials and heartbreaking tragedies. Things I had to deal with but had no control over. Until now.
No matter what Aldo’s DNA test says, the past few weeks have taught me who I am.
I am a woman who has lost so much, but I can still feel the warmth of the home the Haywoods gave me. Can still feel AuntMable’s kindness when I picture the room she made for me at her house.
I am a woman who has struggled to make friends but, in my fast friendship with Bianca, I have found a deep connection in the most unexpected place.
I am a woman someone has tried to destroy over and over, but I have survived. I’m still here, still standing.
I owe Rem for that. Not just because he literally saved my life, but because he helped me realize how strong I can be.
Yes, I’ve fallen in love with him. But I’ve also fallen a little more in love with myself, and that is a gift I never expected. One I owe in large part to the man standing perfectly still in front of me.
I run my thumb across his cheek, my fingers slipping beneath the cut of his jaw. I relish the scrape of his stubble against my skin, the way he instinctively leans into my touch. “I don’t want a new life. I don’t want to start over again. I want what I have with you and I’m not afraid to fight for it. Especially when I have you by my side.”
“You’re refusing to leave?” Rem’s voice is so low I have to lean forward to hear him.
“I’m not leaving.”
“You still want me?”
“I still want you.”
Rem’s hands circle my upper arms, his fingertips scalding. “You love me?”
For the first time in what feels like days, I smile. A genuine face-splitting, soul warming smile. In this moment, the rest of the world vanishes. It’s just me, Rem, and the feelings we have for each other. “I do,” I tell him. “I love you.”
Rem drops his forehead to mine. Air leaves his lungs in a rush, his hands climbing my shoulders, neck, until they are buried in my hair. Rem’s muttering in Italian, some curses, something that sounds more like a prayer. Slowly, so slowly, hedips his head, his lips millimeters from mine. “Thank God, Lena, because I am so fucking in love with you.”
Then we’re kissing. Softly. A brush of lips, a ragged breath. I catch the dark glint of Rem’s eyes behind half-lowered lids. He’s watching me like he’s not sure I’m real. Like he thinks I’m going to vanish at any second.
“I want you,” I say.
“Holy God, Lena, I fucking need you.” A truth Rem feeds me as he takes my mouth again. He tugs my head back, stretching my neck into a vulnerable arch as he drags his lips across mine, over and over. He licks the seam of my lips but doesn’t dip inside.
I scrape my nails across his shoulders, digging deep into the thick column of his neck. “More. I need you tokissme.”
Rem growls, pressing us back against the kitchen island. The marble digs a hard line across my back. Rem’s erection presses heavy against my stomach and my blood starts to simmer. Still, he keeps the kiss light, the brush of our mouths rhythmic and warm. Soft. Nothing close to what I need.
Frustrated, I rock my hips against him. My core brushes the top of his thigh, his cock pressing into the soft cushion of my stomach. Rem’s fingers clench in my hair.