She cocks her head in acknowledgement but doesn’t say anything else as she follows my man to the private elevator. Steps later, she’s gone.
34
LENA
This was a horrible idea. I groan, plopping into an overstuffed chair. My entire body hurts. I can’t kick the headache that’s been hounding me since I left Rem’s. No amount of water or painkillers will dull the throbbing behind my eyes.
“You needed to leave,” I remind myself out loud. “Like Bianca said before—with the men in this family, sometimes you need to catch your breath away from the scent of their cologne.”
Rationally, I know it was the right call. Emotionally and physically, I feel like I’m one step away from going catatonic.
“Emotional overload,” I mutter. “Too much has happened, way too fast.” I pull a thick wool blanket over my legs and drop my head against the armrest. The hotel suite is gorgeous, warmly lit, with a stunning view of the city. And absolutely enormous. This one suite takes up the entire floor. From a security perspective, it makes sense that Rem picked it, but the sheer size makes me feel even more lonely.
I’m back to being alone.
I should be used to it. It’s how I’ve lived most of my life.Loved by my adopted parents, but always knowing deep down that I’m an outlier. I’ve had friends and co-workers, but they’ve all been cursory, people fluttering on the outskirts of my life, never close enough to really count.
That all changed with Rem. And then Bianca and Johnny. Through the most insane, violent twist of fate, Rem Cosenza landed in my life, and I suddenly have people I care about deeply. People I love.
And then you walked away. Temporarily. Justifiably. But neither qualification makes the gaping hole in my chest any smaller.
I close my eyes. Rem’s face is inked on the inside of my eyelids, the guilt stamped on his dark features when his brother was exposing the truth. The earnestness when he swore over and over that he would never have hurt me. That even now, he’ll protect me with his life.
That he’ll side with me over his own family.
Oh, God.I pull the blanket over my head, a feeble attempt to block out the world. How has everything gotten so entirely fucked up in such an incredibly short time? The actions of people I’ve never meet wreaking havoc on a life I’ve only just started living?
One part of me wants to rage against Rem for keeping the truth from me, to fight him tooth and nail for daring me to love him when he could’ve ended my life so easily.
I want to hate him, and I hate that, even now, I still want him desperately. His body, his touch, his passion. Yes, all those things. But I also want his constancy, his strength. His loyalty. His certainty in the face of all obstacles.
In a shockingly short period of time, Rem has become both my rock and my soft place to land. A fact I only understand now that I’ve left him behind.
Tears prick my eyes, clog my throat. I swallow them back. I’ve been crying almost constantly since Lorenzo shut me in theback of one of Rem’s armored cars. What started as cathartic has become exhausting. I don’t have time for wallowing. Not when there is a ticking clock on my life.
Aldo Cerreti is due back in Chicago by mid-day tomorrow. He’ll know the truth of who am I by the time he lands, if he doesn’t already.
For a man with his kind of power, I have to guess that Aldo will find out about my origins no matter how much Rem tries to control this situation. There’s no way Rem can guarantee his discovery doesn’t reach thecapobefore he has a chance to tell his uncle in person. And Rem made it clear that Aldo is judge, jury, and executioner. He’s the man who stands between me and the rest of my life. Me and any chance of a future with my husband.
As far as I can tell, I have two options: cut my losses and do my best to vanish, to forget everything that’s happened and hope that I can survive on the run; or fight for myself, for Rem, for the life that I’ve stumbled into but want very much.
Both options terrify me. Fear and frustration swirl in my chest. A pressure building until I have to let it out. Muffling the sound with the blanket, I press my mouth to the wool and scream as loud as I can.
My throat is dry, my ears ringing by the time I done. Catching my breath, I wait to hear the pounding of feet as Rem’s men come to see what’s wrong.One, two—I get to three before there’s a loud knock on the door.
“Mrs. Cosenza? Are you alright?”
Untangling myself from the blanket, I hustle to the door. I check the peep hole, relieved to see it’s Johnny on the other side.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I call to him. “Just working through some stuff.”
Even through the curved glass I can see Rem’s right hand man grimace. “Understood.” He steps back so I can see thepaper bag he lifts into frame. “The boss sent dinner over. He’s worried you won’t eat.”
Of course he is. Taking caring of me even from a distance. I undo all the locks on the door, open it and wave Johnny into the room. Warm spices hit my nostrils the instant he enters. “It smells amazing. Thank you.”
“Indian from the place near the penthouse. Apparently, you have a regular order.”
I roll my eyes, though I can’t help but smile. “I don’t think three times makes a regular order, but I do really like their food.” My stomach growls in agreement. Johnny starts setting out containers on the coffee table. Five, six, and he’s still going. “I can’t possibly eat all of this. It’s enough for an army.”