“Very. I know you think you’re beyond redemption, Mr. Saintcrow. A big, bad vampire. But deep inside where you don’t like to look, there’s an honorable man.”
Saintcrow snorted. Even when she had hated him, she had seen a spark of good inside him, a spark he stubbornly refused toadmit existed. He watched as she lifted the baby to her shoulder and gently patted the infant’s back. A few moments later, the baby burped and then fell asleep.
Sitting there, Saintcrow thought he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life than Kadie cuddling that tiny scrap of humanity.
And even as he tried to fight it, he felt his fangs lengthen as the infant’s blood sang to him.
Sensing his sudden uneasiness, Kadie held the baby closer. “Rylan?”
“I’m all right. I think it might take me a day or two to get used to the idea of having him around. Like I said, I’m going to spend a couple of days at the hotel.”
She nodded, knowing it was for the best.
Rising, he brushed a kiss across her brow, then left the house.
~ * ~
Saintcrow’s two days away turned into five, leaving Kadie to wonder if he had left for good. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, she glanced around their bedroom, crowded now with a bassinette, a small chest of drawers for baby clothes, a diaper pail. A stack of diapers took up space on their dresser, along with little blue booties and blankets embroidered with baby animals.
She finally had a use for the kitchen, which held baby bottles and cans of formula.
Saintcrow had been gone for six days when Rosa came to visit.
“I couldn’t believe it when Jake told me about the baby,” Rosa said, smiling. “I would have come sooner but I thought you might need a few days to adjust.” She took a deep breath. “Oh, he smells wonderful, doesn’t he? Oh, I don’t mean his blood,” she said, seeing the horror in Kadie’s eyes. “There’s just nothing like that new baby smell. My cousin, Janie, just had a baby.”
Kadie nodded. The baby’s blood did smell wonderful. No vampire could ignore it. Fortunately, she had no desire for it,though it did make her wonder why she didn’t. “Can I ask you something, Rosie?”
“Sure.”
“Are you ever sorry you gave up the chance to have children?”
“Sometimes,” Rosa admitted, her expression wistful as her gaze rested on the baby. “Can I hold him?”
Kadie hesitated a moment, then reluctantly placed the baby in Rosa’s arms. She told herself there was nothing to worry about yet she was relieved some twenty minutes later when Rosa said it was time to go and laid the baby back in her arms.
Another day passed and there was still no word from Saintcrow. That night, after putting the baby to bed, Kadie paced the floor, blinking back her tears. What was she going to do if Rylan couldn’t adjust to the idea of a baby in the house? What if he insisted she choose between the two of them? How could she make a choice like that?
Lifting the baby from the bassinette, she hugged him close, tears stinging her eyes. She already loved the boy as if he was her own. Knew that either choice would break her heart.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Saintcrow sat in his office in the hotel, staring out the window, hating himself for being the cause of Kadie’s heartache. He never should have taken the kid home, never let her hold it. With her tender heart, he’d known she would love the child the moment she held it. And now she was weeping copious tears because she had decided, for his sake, to give the child away.
He swore a violent oath as he slammed his fist on the desk, cracking the solid oak. He couldn’t let her do it. Oh, he knew she would never blame him, never say anything to make him feel guilty because he had deprived her of something she had only dreamed of. No, not his sweet Kadie. She loved him unconditionally, willing to put up with a man who had never been good enough for her.
Damn, damn, damn!
Even from this distance, he could smell the tantalizing scent of the baby’s blood. How was he going to live with that day and night? How could he let Kadie give the boy away?
Rising, he paced the floor. Hell, he was a powerful vampire. He had whipped Elowynne’s ass, he ought to be able to suck it up and resist the lure of the infant’s blood. The temptation wasn’t all that bad now that his wounds had healed. Maybe if he gave the kid a little of his own blood it would ease his longing.
He took a deep breath and let it out in a long, slow sigh. Kadie had been through hell because of him. He couldn’t take heaven away from her.
~ * ~
Kadie froze as she felt Saintcrow’s presence in the house. The baby was asleep. She quickly brushed her hair and dried her eyes, wishing she was wearing something more becoming than jeans and a tee shirt. She was thinking of changing her clotheswhen she realized it was too late for that. He was already in the bedroom.
For stretched seconds, they simply looked at each other.