The words took her breath away. They sucked the life from her. The very oxygen she needed to exist seemed to evaporate like dew on a leaf.
‘It was special,’ she whispered, because it had been. Somehow, making love to Theo in the elemental, passionate ocean, the ancient, time-worn water washing over them, was like a baptismof sorts. A cleaning of the slate—a new start. She stood up, a little uncertain, but also, driven by his honesty to be honest with him.
‘I cared about you, too, Theo. I know you don’t believe that, because of how—and why—everything with us ended. You asked why I’m a virgin?’
His jaw shifted as though he were grinding his teeth, but he nodded.
‘It’s because of you,’ she said, pressing a hand to his chest. ‘When I was eleven and you came to live next door, I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. When I was thirteen, I thought I was in love with you. I have a whole notebook somewhere in my room with Annie Leonidas scrawled all over it.’ Her smile was rueful, but Theo stood still, completely frozen to the spot. ‘When I was sixteen, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. By the time I turned eighteen, I was yours for a song. Do you know how long it took me to work up the courage to ask you to kiss me?’
‘You were drunk.’
‘Yes. I thought it would give me courage, and it did.’
He stared down at her.
‘After that, I dated other guys. My parents set me up with the sons of some of their friends,’ she said, aware of the way his body tightened.
‘Suitable men,’ he said grimly.
She nodded, because that was exactly how they’d described the men to her. Men who came from families like theirs. Old families, aristocratic and wealthy, with proud names and coats of arms. Annie had known for as long as she’d been alive that the expectation was to marry just such a man. ‘But I couldn’t get you out of my head. So, by twenty-one, you were the sum total of fantasies and crushes, the only man I’d ever wanted. And when you kissed me, I just knew.’
‘What did you know?’ His voice had a hard quality to it, despite the way she was opening her heart to him.
‘That I wanted you to be my first.’
‘You aren’t saying you’ve been waiting for me.’
‘No.’ Her lips twisted in a grimace. ‘After things with us ended, and…everything with my mum… I just wasn’t interested in dating. I’ve become quite reclusive,’ she admitted.
‘You should have told me.’
She bit into her lip. ‘I didn’t know how.’
He nodded, slowly, but when he reached out and pressed a finger to her chin, his touch was so gentle that his words, when he spoke, seemed totally jarring. ‘It doesn’t change anything, Annie. Sex is just sex to me, and you will always be who you became the morning you left. I can’t forgive it. I don’t want to.’ He padded his thumb over her lower lip, evidently with no idea how hard she was finding it to breathe, much less remain upright.
‘You know why I left,’ she said, unevenly.
He dropped his hand away. ‘Yes.’ The word was laced with anger. ‘I understand your reasoning.’
‘You’re still so angry.’
A muscle jerked in his jaw. ‘I’m angry at myself, not you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I should have known better than to let it go so far. I have always been able to walk away—from anyone and anything. And then you…’
‘What?’ she asked, quickly.
‘You made me forget, for a while, that’s all.’
She wished she understood, but he’d always been so reluctant to speak freely, so cryptic in his answers. ‘Don’t you think we should talk about this?’ she asked.
His eyes ran over her face, and for a second she thought he might relent, but then, he shook his head, just once, but it was adeath knell to any hopes she might have had of his opening up to her in a meaningful way. ‘There is no time. The plane will be here soon, and I have things to take care of before we leave. Pack your bag, Annie. Real life is calling.’
He was silent as the plane took off, and it did nothing to ease the stretching of her nerves. Annie felt like she was at sixes and sevens, with no idea which way was up. She knew only that she hadn’t wanted to leave the island.
She had a feeling she couldn’t shake that Theo was running away.