“We both know, after living together for just a couple of days, that it’s going to be impossible to keep our hands off each other. So how about we stop pretending we don’t want each other and just let things happen,” he suggested.
I scoffed. “You’re the one who bet you could keep your hands to yourself and have repeatedly lost.”
He smirked. “Thought it wasn’t a bet. Thought you didn’t bet.” My emotions bounced around. Hope. Terror. Lust. “Are you afraid, my Maisey-girl? Afraid to take what you want—”
I fisted his T-shirt, rose on my toes, and placed my lips on his, reveling in the fact I could do so. Reveling in the knowledge that he actually wanted this as much as I did. While it was a closed-mouth kiss, not intended to kindle desire, it was firm and fierce. I let all my hopes and fears linger there for a few seconds before letting him go.
If this ended badly, I’d deal with it then. I’d survived worse and made myself whole again.
The simple truth was I wanted this more than I wanted to be whole. What I’d said yesterday to him in my dad’s yard was true. I’d give anything for a night full of passion and sin, so now I’d back those words up with action. I’d risk the damage to my heart and soul if it meant enjoying every last moment we made together.
His eyes were locked on my mouth as I lowered to my heels.
“You’ve always been a helluva kisser.” His voice was gruff and a little shaky. Pleasure coasted through me as I realized I’d done that to him. I’d made him as unsteady as I was. But then the joy disappeared when he said, “Not once, since our very first kiss, have I ever found someone who could light me up the way you do.”
“You mean the kiss where my braces made you bleed? Getting a mouthful of metal was hardly sexy,” I said scornfully.
Anger filled his expression, taking me by surprise. “Don’t do that. Don’t you dareeverlessen what we’ve experienced together with stupid words other losers tossed at you. Assholes who didn’t know what they had when they had the privilege of touching you.”
It was hurt as much as irritation that had me snapping back, “So, you didn’t tell Chelsea no one would want to kiss a mouth tasting like metal?”
“Fuck no!” His eyes flared. “Is that what she told you? Is that what you’ve thought all these years? That I was no better than Carter fucking Smythe? Or that asshole frat boy you gave your virginity to?”
My heart slammed hard against my rib cage, looking down and away from the fury on his face. His hand landed on my chin, forcing my head up and fixing me with a fierce stare.
“Your sister was pissed I’d kissed you when I’d turned her down repeatedly after Delilah and I broke up. That day, she threatened to tell your parents I was doing a lot more than kissing you, so I kept my hands to myself afterward.”
He took a huge breath and then kept going. “But it’s also true that what I felt at fourteen, kissing you... I didn’t know what to do with the enormity of it. Liza had barely left my dad, and I was terrified I’d end up like him. I told myself, and you, we were just friends because I let fear solidify my heart.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Chelsea hurt you with her words, and I hurt you with my actions—or lack of them. I’m not that kid anymore, Maisey. While I can’t promise I won’t hurt you ever again, can’t promise I won’t let you down, I can promise I’ll do everything in my power not to.”
I didn’t know how to reply. I didn’t know if I could. So, instead, I slid my arms around his waist, pressed my face to his chest, and just held on while the bitch Hope taunted me to try to heal the childhood wounds that had locked us both in the past, enough to try to keep him.
? ? ?
I’d worked my regular shift plus two hours of overtime for Meredith by the time I walked in the door at nine o’clock. Dad was nowhere to be seen, but Beckett was watching television in the living room. He was in workout shorts and a T-shirt, lounging on the couch, with Vader at his feet and Dorothy on his chest. He smiled as I walked in. A lazy grin full of temptation that had my body igniting.
He muted the TV and asked, “How was work?”
“We’re still short-staffed, and that summer cold has taken out more of us, so everyone is working extra hours to cover the gaps, but at least it was fairly quiet.” His eyebrows went up, and I laughed. “Don’t worry, I didn’t jinx us to chaos by saying it while on duty.”
He chuckled and patted the spot on the couch next to him.
I dropped my bag on the armchair and joined him. I petted Vader before running my fingers over Dorothy, all without touching Beckett. For the first time in a long time, I felt awkward next to him, as if I didn’t know what to do with my limbs.
Sensing it, Beckett picked up the cat, set her on his opposite side, and then hooked me around the waist, tugged me close, and kissed me. Not the sweet kiss on my forehead from this morning or even the fierce, closed-lipped one I’d given him in return. This was a knock-down, drag-out, life-altering one. He licked the seam of my mouth, and I opened for him, my tongue gliding against his, the velvety touch sparking the desire that always simmered beneath the surface when he was near.
Fisting my hair, he dragged my head back, caressing my jaw and neck with determined lips. His teeth slid along my earlobe before sucking it into his mouth, and heat pooled low in my belly, an almost violent needdemanding to be sated. It was a bit of heaven being in his arms. Being kissed by him. Touched. Wanted.
My hands slid under his T-shirt, sliding over the tantalizing ridges of his eight-pack, but he caught my wrists, drawing them away. My brows rose in confusion. Had he changed his mind? Then, why had he kissed me?
“Last night in the kitchen was a mistake,” he said.
Damn that bitch Hope. My heart fell to my chest. As if sensing my thoughts, he grabbed my chin and placed another heated kiss on my lips.
“I haven’t changed my mind. I want you, Maisey. More than I want air to breathe, but it was also good that you stopped us last night. It wasn’t right to take you there in the kitchen where your dad could have walked in. That wasn’t respectful to you or him. So I won’t do what I want right now either, while we’re in the middle of the living room. Believe me, I’d love nothing more than to tear those butterfly scrubs off and scramble your brain until the only word that escapes those perfect lips is my name. Until we can do that, until we have a room and a night to ourselves, we’ll have to keep it PG-rated.”
My heart thudded. He was right. I would have been embarrassed if my dad had walked in on us last night or today. It was also sweet and charming that he’d even considered it.