I HATE LOVE
Performed by Kelly Clarkson with Steve Martin
SIX YEARS AGO
HIM: I read the book you recommended and met all the obligations of my stupid bet, so thanks for that. But I have a question.
HER: You’re welcome. And shoot.
HIM: What’s with this forced-proximity thing? I mean, you either want someone or you don’t. If you and I were living together, we wouldn’t suddenly go goofy in the head, or groin, and decide we couldn’t keep our hands off.
HER: I’ll try not to be offended.
HIM: You know that’s not what I meant. You’re sexy as hell. I’m just saying, friends are friends. Lovers are lovers. End of story.
HER: Let’s pretend for a minute that you aren’t you. That you don’t have a dead heart. Let’s pretend you had a friend who you actually believed was sexy as hell, but you made a stupid decision to place them in the friend zone years ago and regretted it. And now, you’re in the same hotel room, and you catch her in nothing but a towel. Are you telling me you wouldn’t make a move?
HIM: Dead heart aside? No. That’s a violation of the sacred trust of friends. How could you ever go back to being friends after that?
HER: You’re missing the point, Fireball. Neither of them really WANTS to be JUST friends. They want MORE. They want trust AND love AND lust AND forever.
HIM: Then why not just go for that in the first place? Why pretend to be friends?
HER: I give up.
HIM: This is why more men don’t read romance. None of it islogical.
HER: You’re missing the point yet again. It’s the fantasy that romance readers crave, not logic. We want to savor the endorphin rush of a grand gesture and the heat of a happily ever after, not drink a cold cup of reason.
PRESENT DAY
My pulse was still racing asI drove with Dad to the Italian restaurant in town. The sexual tension that had drifted between Beckett and me had all but evaporated, as had the disgust I’d felt at my sister. In its place, fear had taken root. When I’d seen the note on Beckett’s door, for a few awful seconds, I’d thought something horrible had happened to Dad…all because of me.
The fierceness of Beckett’s emotions hadn’t helped. The anger that had vibrated off him and wafted through me had been all-consuming. A Beckett I rarely saw. I’d seen him laughing and teasing to diffuse a situation, and strong and assertive to protect someone hundreds of times. But I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him angry enough to do physical damage.
Unfortunately, Josh had shown up just in time for Beckett to direct his aggression at him. Leaving the two men together probably hadn’t been smart, but I’d been relieved when Dad had suggested going to pick up the pizzas.
I’d played chicken yet again and escaped. But if I hadn’t, my own emotions might have exploded.
Dad’s voice drew me from my thoughts. “I’m sure the sign wasn’t on the door when I came in.” I heard the uncertainty in his voice, and my heart twisted in concern. “But the way my mind has been playing tricks lately...”
Worry for my father finally allowed me to push back the spiral of darker emotions.
“It’ll get better, Dad. The dementia is just temporary. Once you’ve had a chance to heal, everything will be back to normal. I’m thrilled you’re trying to stop smoking. I know it’s hard, but it’s a huge step toward improving your overall health. Now, we just need to work on those arteries of yours.”
His lips flattened into a straight line as he took in the nicotine patch on his arm. “Not sure it’ll stick. Never been able to give it up before, but being off the road where the boredom triggers me will help.” After a few more seconds, he changed the subject. “What’s the deal with the note?”
I didn’t want to add to his burdens by making him worry about me, soI shrugged it off. “Just kids being stupid.”
He shot me a look I hadn’t seen in a really long time—a fatherly one that said he knew I was lying. “Poor choice. End it now or elseare pretty strange words for a prank. Seems to me, if it were kids, they’d write something stupid likeYou suck. So tell me, do I need to worry about this? Is Beckett involved in something? Or you? Or is this about your engagement?”
Surprise registered, and Dad’s brow went up just as one side of his lips did.
“I’ll try not to be hurt that you didn’t tell me yourself. But that Tejas kid couldn’t stop jabbering about it yesterday.”
I swallowed hard, not wanting to lie to him, so I told him a half-truth. “The town gossips have done a good job spreading it quicker than we could. Don’t feel too bad. Kurt heard about it the same way.”
I parked the truck, and Dad waited for me on the sidewalk before we headed down the street toward Jack’s.