Knowing Fallon was the one person I could count on to keep my secret, I whispered, “It’s not real.”
“What isn’t? Do you mean he didn’t ask you? Or you said no? Or the rumor is false?” she demanded.
I inhaled deeply and then spilled everything that had gone down yesterday. When I was finished, she was quiet for a long time, looking out beyond the corral to the river rushing down to the lake sparkling in the sunrise.
Finally, she let out a long breath and said, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Just knowing that was her first thought made tears well. She wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already know. This was a bad idea. But if I was honest, the vicious bitch called Hope had wiggled inside my heart last night, whispering things I knew better than to allow.
I needed to shut Hope down to prove to myself, even more than Fallon, that I could do this and survive. “I’m not going into this with blinders on, Fallon. I know exactly what Beckett is and isn’t capable of. I know he’ll never want love and a permanent relationship. But the truth is, we both need something right now the other can offer.”
“If it’s money, you know—”
“I’m not taking money from you again,” I said vehemently.
“Why not? I have more than I’ll ever need in this lifetime. More than my kids will need. Hell, probably even more than my great-grandkids would need.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not using you and taking money simply to make my life easier. The only reason I’m really considering this with Beckett is because I can finally help him with something after years of our relationship being one-sided, of him always shouldering my problems.”
Her jaw tightened, and I knew I’d hurt her feelings, so I shifted Titan around so I could grab her hand. “As much as I don’t want to admit Chelsea was right about anything, shewasright when she said I’ve always let my friends swoop in and save the day. I’m not a kid anymore, and I refuse to be my dad, relying on others to dig me out of a hole. I hate that I’m relying on Beckett again, but at least, this time, I can help him in return.”
“Chelsea wasn’t right!” Fallon snapped. “Allowing your friends and family to help you doesn’t make you some damsel needing saving. And it isn’t like you were the only one who needed help. How many times were you there for me, Maise?” I tried to wave her off, and she plowed right on. “I wouldn’t have made it after my stepdad died, or while I was dealing with Mom’s addiction, or when I found out I was pregnant with Lila if you hadn’t been there holding me up.”
“That’s different.”
“You’re right. It is different. Offering money…that’s easy when I have loads of it to give. It’s nothing. It doesn’t require time and love and friendship. Offering yourself, truly being there for someone…that’s the bigger sacrifice. Chelsea couldn’t possibly understand that because she’s never thought of anyone but herself. But you’ve always given of yourself freely. Your parents were lucky to have you on their side, just as Beckett and I are lucky to call you our friend.”
I wanted to believe what she said. I wanted to believe what I’d offered had been enough. That I was enough…
Sensing my discomfort, Fallon changed the subject to one we normally agreed upon.
“Speaking of that no-good narcissist, have you told Chelsea about your dad’s problems? Because if she really got a movie contract, she might have the money to help.”
I shook my head. “Even if she has the money, she wouldn’t offer any of it for Dad or me. Not after spending an entire childhood bemoaning how I got everything and she got nothing.”
I shuddered, thinking of how she’d thrown a vase through the kitchen window after she’d learned she hadn’t been able to go to acting camp, while I’d been able to keep my classes at the riding school. That night, she’d locked me out of the house. I’d been in my headgear, terrified someone would see me in it. I’d slept on the porch and begged and cried the next morning for her to let me in. When Mom had found me distraught and confronted Chelsea, my sister had said it had been an accident, but it was one of the first times I’d wondered if Beckett was right about her.
Fallon sighed. “Fine, but if Beckett hurts you, I’ll kick his ass.”
Which was exactly why I’d never told Fallon about our childish kissand how I’d ended up feeling humiliated and more broken than normal. Fallon would have gone after him, just like she’d gone after Carter for telling me I tasted like metal and rotten food when he’d kissed me after the homecoming dance.
It had been my own fault for saying yes to Carter when every instinct had been screaming at me to say no. He’d always been part of Chelsea’s entourage, so I’d been shocked when he’d asked me. I’d told him I’d think about it, because I’d really been hoping Beckett would ask me. As soon as Chelsea had found out I’d put Carter off, she’d told me Beckett was taking Delilah and to stop jerking Carter around, so I’d reluctantly said yes and regretted it ever since.
“I need to finish up here with Titan and get going,” I told her. “The hospital said Dad was awake and much calmer this morning, but I want to talk to the doctor.”
Not to mention I needed to stop by the bank and talk to the loan officer about the mortgage, call Dad’s insurance agency to see if he was still covered, find a water damage restoration company to set up fans at the house, and pop by the firehouse to make sure Beckett really wanted to do this before giving notice on my apartment. It was going to be a really full day.
Fallon nodded at Titan. “You two looked good out there. You’re going to knock the guests off their feet this year.”
A tiny spark of happiness settled in my chest. I’d felt better on Titan’s back today than I had yesterday, which was surprising, seeing as my problems had only grown since the day before.
“Thanks. Titan hasn’t lost a step, but I’m still a little rusty.” I patted my horse before remembering he really wasn’t mine. I’d have to put buying him back on hold while I bailed Dad out, but it would happen.
Fallon swung over the fence and grabbed Titan’s reins. “Let me rub him down for you.” My shoulders stiffened, and when she saw my reaction, she burst out laughing. “For Pete’s sake, I’m heading into the barn to check on the horses anyway. This isn’t youusingme or mysavingyou.”
Behind the laughter, I heard the hurt, not just at my not having told her about Beckett, but because I’d rejected her offer of money. So, as a peace offering, I gave in.
I dismounted, spent a few more seconds giving Titan my love, along with a sugar cube I’d tucked in my pocket, and then let her lead him away.