I almost did a victory dance right there in the mall when that thought didn’t choke me or bring back images of wrists covered in blood. Instead, it made me think of all the times I’d had Maisey tucked up against me. All the times I’d already kissed her. And better yet, all the future kisses we had yet to experience.
But my happy thoughts were interrupted by a sharp laugh and a voice that caused the hair on my neck to rise, saying, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Maisey
HONEY
Performed by Taylor Swift
THREE YEARS AGO
HER: Have you ever used handcuffs?
HIM: Excuse me?
HER: You know. While having sex, have you ever used handcuffs?
HIM: No. Please tell me you’re not considering letting some asswipe tie you up.
HER: Not yet. Some guy would have to remain interested in me long enough for me to really trust him, and I’ve never been a keeper, you know?
HIM: Screw that. I hate when you talk like that. No guy has been worthy of you.
HER: Yeah, yeah. I wasn’t saying that so you’d toss a pity compliment my way. I’m just curious whether I’d ever have the courage to give up that much control, and if it really heightens the experience.
HIM: It wasn’t a damn pity compliment! It was the truth. But because I know you’re uncomfortable with the entire notion of actually being a beautiful, desirable woman, I’ll answer your question instead of fighting with you. In my opinion, if you need to play games to get off, then you’re doing it wrong.
HER: Millions of people would disagree with you.
HIM: Millions of people also end up destroying each other.
PRESENT DAY
As if the entire conversation with Becketthadn’t already done a number on my taxed emotions, hearing Chelsea’s laugh and snide voice skated a knife down my spine. Vicious and cruel. I watched as she flouncedover to me with Gavin trailing behind her.
“Did you actually buy her a ring? How far are you really taking this farce, Beckett?”
A rumble escaped Beckett’s chest. A warning, low and guttural that sounded almost as feral as Vader’s had when I’d come to last night on the ground with Dad at my side.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded before Beckett could respond.
My sister waved a hand in Gavin’s direction. He held an assortment of bags, much like Beckett did. “Not that I need to explain myself, but we had a few essentials to grab on our day off before we return for the next round of filming. I see you’re back to wearing bandages on your face. Whoever paid for this cosmetic surgery should ask for their money back.”
“That’s enough,” Beckett insisted as my hand went to the Band-Aid I had on my chin. It wasn’t that I’d been able to forget about it. Every time I’d looked in a dressing room mirror today, I’d seen it, but I’d done my best to fight the memories just like I’d promised myself I would.
Gavin’s brow raised as he scanned me and then Beckett before asking in a scathing tone, “Thisis the guy you’ve been talking about?”
Chelsea flushed, shaking her head at Gavin before glaring at Beckett. “Our parents are no longer able to stop you from messing with Maisey, so it falls on me, as her big sister, to step in. Do you know what’s going to happen when you break it off? She’ll be the laughingstock of Swift Rivers all over again. This time, worse than she ever was when they made fun of her deformed jaw.”
Her words did exactly what they’d always done. They picked at my insecurities and fears—ones that were already trying to drag me under with the bandage on my face today. But she wasn’t wrong, at least about Beckett. When this “more” he and I were playing around with ended, I’d be left devastated. Alone. More broken than I’d ever been.
And yet, I desperately wanted to prove she was, once again, wrong. Not just about me, but about Beckett. Aboutus.
This didn’t have to be temporary. It didn’t need to have an expiration date. We could turn thismoreBeckett talked about into forever. I just had to fight for what I wanted as I’d once had to fight for my self-worth.
I had to fight for the man I loved. The man I was head-over-heels, passionately, endlessly in love with. Had always been in love with. I’d just hidden it because I’d thought he didn’t want it. Didn’t want me. It had been pure self-preservation that had me denying it.