“Now, we only ever argue,” he continues with anger in his eyes, “and that’s because of you.”
His words hit me like a physical blow, exactly how he meant it.
That’s it. I’ve had enough of this. I won’t put up with his behaviour any longer.
With a noise that sounds suspiciously like a growl, I close the space between us until only the bar keeps us apart. I jab a finger against his chest and let the full force of my anger, frustration and sadness come out. I don’t often get wound up like this, tothe point where I can no longer hold back my feelings, and when I do, things tend to get messy. However, in this circumstance I think messy is exactly what we need. He needs to see the effect this is having on everyone involved.
“That’s because ofyou.” My voice breaks as I emphasise the last word, all of my torn-up emotions pouring from me. “That is because you take every opportunity to shit on our relationship, or badmouth me.Thatis what’s causing the rift between you and your brothers.” I don’t hold back, telling him how I truly see what’s happening. “Every insult you throw at me, only goes on to hurt them. You don’t have to be happy that I’m here, I don’t care if you like me or not. What I do care about is them. They are happy with me; theyloveme. Why can’t that be enough for you?”
Why can’tIbe enough for you?
The unsaid question hangs in the air between us as he stares at me, looking a little dumbstruck by my rant.
My body heats up at the implied pause between us, but thankfully he won’t be able to see the blush on my cheeks thanks to anger already making them ruddy in appearance. What I really want to know is where the hell did that thought come from? I don’t care what he thinks of me, so why does it feel like that question is valid? I’m not saying I want a relationship with him; even just thinking about it makes me want to chuckle awkwardly. No, I want to know why he doesn’t think I’m good enough for his brothers. I have had self-esteem issues all of my life, which only got worse after Jake left, but seeing just how much Bear and Clay love me assures me that this is real.
“Holly…” Trailing off with a sigh, all of Elliot’s anger seems to ebb away, his whole body language shifting, deflating. “There’s nothing specifically wrong with you. You’re gorgeous and seem kind enough.” He gestures towards me with a hand as if that’s explanation enough and he didn’t just give me a huge back-handed compliment. “My brothers and I need each other, andI’m very protective over our bond. Anything that threatens that has to be removed.”
I remember what Bear told me, that each of them had come from broken families and suffered more trauma than a child ever should, so it makes sense that he’s trying to protect what he knows. However, that leaves no room for development, for him to change his life, for better or worse. I don’t know his story, but seeing him this way drains my frustration.
“I’m that threat?” I ask, waiting quietly for him to nod his agreement. This is difficult for him, even just admitting that he sees me as a threat is clearly making him uncomfortable. Has he ever allowed himself to be vulnerable with another person that’s not one of his brothers?
“At the moment, the only thing threatening that bond is you,” I try to explain gently, my voice soft and without accusation. The time for accusations has passed, now he needs to hear the bitter truth. “My relationship with your brothers is real; so you either get to know me and accept that I’m a part of their lives now, or you can continue in the same way you are now and potentially lose them.”
“I…” Huffing, he lifts his hands to his head, scrubbing them through his short, dark hair. Whatever he’s trying to say won’t come out, even though I can see how much he wants to tell me. “I can’t–” It’s agonising as he fights with himself, and finally he cuts himself off, shaking his head. His body language changes once again, this time into frustration and self-deprecation.
What’s going on inside that head of his? He’s clearly facing conflict within himself, and I wish he’d let me in, let me help him work through this so we can find a solution that makes us all happy. His pain reaches out to me, calling to me, and I know I shouldn’t care, but I can’t help myself.
Moving before I realise what I’m doing, I walk around the bar between us until I’m by his side. Slowly, I reach out a hand,giving him the chance to move away if he doesn’t want my touch, and place it on his arm. His gaze is locked on where my hand and his arm meet, brow furrowed and an expression so complex I can’t work it out.
“Tell me,” I implore, tightening my hand ever so slightly in a gesture of comfort. “Tell me what the problem is, and I can try to fix it.”
I’m probably being a little presumptuous here, as many of his issues are so deeply set that I doubt I can fix any of them. However, what’s that saying?A problem shared is a problem halved. Just being able to talk about it aloud to someone who isn’t his brothers might help him start to open up a bit.
He laughs ruefully and I’m not sure if it’s aimed at me, but he’s not shaken off my touch. His eyes meet mine and I realise he’s laughing at himself. The anger that I see now isn’t aimed at me, but has been turned inward.
“The problem?” Choking out a bitter laugh, he pins me with a stare. “The problem is, Holly, that I can’t get you out of my fucking mind.”
Wait, what is he saying? Trepidation floods my body and I feel my hands begin to tremble. Whatever he’s going to say next will change things between us forever.
Unaware of my internal turmoil, he turns his body fully to face me. “The problem is that you are driving me insane. And the worst one of all? The problem is that I’m in love with my brothers’ girlfriend.”
“Elliot–”
Before I can say anything else, he reaches across and pulls me against his chest, his mouth slamming down on mine, his lips searing. I should pull away, but I can’t. Not because his hold is too strong, but because I’m already kissing him back. My body has taken control and my mind seems to be running too slowly to catch up. Something is ignited in me though, and it feels good,the promise of what could be. No, I shouldn’t be doing this. I didn’t even think that Elliot liked me, but now I discover this… We need to stop, to talk this through. Not to mention we need to speak with Bear and Clay to try to sort this mess out.
As though having the exact same thought, Elliot jerks away from me, his breathing fast and ragged. His pupils are huge and his hands reach out automatically like he wants me back in his arms. I’m sure I don’t look much better, almost toppling over as he moves away from me. Already I miss the taste of his lips, a forbidden taste that I shouldn’t know. What the fuck am I going to do?
Elliot looks as though he’s about to explode, shifting from foot to foot as he forces himself to look away from me. Taking a deep breath, he seems to focus for a moment.
“I’m sorry, Holly.” Still not looking at me, he storms past me into the back of the gym, door slamming behind him clearly indicating he doesn’t want me to follow him.
Shit.What the hell just happened, and what am I going to tell my boyfriends?
THIRTY-ONE
HOLLY
Beep. Beep. Beep.