Seeing them is a punch to the gut, the feeble wall I built around my emotions threatening to crumble completely. I’ve not even let myself fully accept how I feel for them. It always seemed too good to be true and I didn’t think I would survive the pain when it didn’t work out. Having them here now, though, standing in front of me with their sadness and longing so clearly on their faces, it’s impossible to hold it back any longer.
My ears ring, my vision flickering and I realise that’s because I’m holding my breath. They have always smelled amazing. Am I subconsciously trying to protect myself in any way possible, including their scent? My body is in survival mode and somehow knows that even the smallest thing could break me.
Forcing myself to take a deep, gasping breath, I reach out and steady myself on the counter beside me. The gravity of the situation and lack of oxygen take their toll and I stumble slightly.
“Holly–” Clay is moving towards me, and I know his intentions are in the right place, but I hold up my hand, warding off the two of them. If I feel this bad now, it will only be ten times worse if they get any closer.
He jerks to a halt, looking pained, but he respects my silent order for space. A second passes and he seems to shake himself out of the moment and glances up at Bear. I didn’t notice at first, but now I see that Bear has his hand on Clay’s arm, making sure he doesn’t come any closer. The two share a look, silently communicating in a way only these who share a deep bond can.
“Why are you here?” I ask, voice shaking, glad of the counter beside me for support. Seeing the two of them has knocked me back in a way I didn’t think possible. My heart feels so fragile: vulnerable and raw.
Bear has been watching me with that steady intensity of his, taking in my every movement, and after a few heavy seconds, he clears his throat. “We needed to talk to you, Holly.”
His deep voice rolls over me and I want to close my eyes and bask in it like a cat in the sun. However, that is not appropriate for the situation and I need to pull myself together.
“What he means is, we need you to take us back.” Clay jumps in before I can respond, his shoulders tense. In fact, all of him is tense, ready to leap forward the moment I give him the okay.
Except, that’s not going to happen.
“Is this some sort of joke?”
Glancing between the two of them, I search their faces for an answer. I must be hearing them wrong, or this is some cruel joke they’ve concocted. They know the exact reason I stopped dating the two of them, I couldn’t be forced into choosing between them, and it was causing a rift between them, so I chose neitherof them. It was the hardest and most painful decision I’ve ever made, and for them to come back in here and completely disregard that feels like a slap to the face.
Bear shoots an annoyed look at his brother for jumping in, and quickly returns his attention to me, raising his hands slightly as though trying to talk me down. “No, Holly. He’s right.” As he releases a huffed breath, I can see him trying to gather his thoughts. “Without you, we are incomplete. We need you. Clay and I have spoken, and we’re willing to work together so we can all be happy.”
Mind spinning, I fully lean against the counter. This must be a fever dream, or perhaps I’ve finally gone mad and am living out the fantasy in my head, as I can’t be having this same conversation with them again.
Pressing my fingers against my temples, I rub my forehead to try to ward off the headache that’s brewing. “I don’t understand what you mean…”
“We will both date you. Individually and, if needed, together.” The sympathetic, understanding smile Bear gives me makes my chest twinge in pain.
That aside, though, his words take a moment to process in my mind. They want to date me individually, andtogether? What do they mean by that, group dates? How would any of that work? This would only take away the part where I have to make a decision between them; the jealousy issue would still be present. For alpha males like Clay and Bear, could something like this ever truly work?
“Are you saying that you want to… share me?” Even saying those two words feels strange. Not wrong, like I thought they might, but foreign all the same.
“What we feel is too strong to let pass because of a few arguments between us,” Clay explains, gesturing to Bear at hisside yet never taking his eyes from me. “I can’t be without you, Holly, and the idea of you hurting because of me is abhorrent.”
“We love you, Holly, both of us,” adds Bear.
They both seem sincere, and the romantic in me wants to fling all my worries to the side and throw myself at them. However, pain and experience have taught me not to listen to that part of me. I notice how neither of them answers my question about the sharing aspect of this relationship they’re proposing to me. Have they really thought this through? There are too many unknowns here; surely it will never work.
That doesn’t stop me from asking more questions, though. “How would it even work, being in a relationship with two of you? What would everyone think?”
“You can’t deny the connection you have with us. Fuck what everyone thinks. As long as we are happy, that’s all that matters, right?” Clay is so earnest in his words, and I want so badly to just agree.
I’ve always known that it’s possible to love two people at once. I’ve seen it, but someone has always ended up hurt. My father was in love with a woman who he’s gone to university with. They stayed in touch, even after he married my mother, becoming a family friend. Nothing ever happened between them – my dad was a faithful man – but I saw the longing between them. I know that my mother saw it too, although she never said anything about it. My parents had a love that most people will never achieve, yet I know this other woman was my father’s soulmate. When my parents died, I lost touch with her, their deaths hitting her hard.
All three of them were hurt by the situation, and surely that is all that awaits us if I venture into a relationship with both Clay and Bear? It might be possible to love multiple people at the same time, but is it possible to have two soulmates? Is that what they are to me? I haven’t allowed myself to consider it before, thenotion too painful. If that is really what they are, though, then if I turn them away, I am just signing us all up to a lifetime of longing.
Flustered by my own confused thoughts, I shake my head, wishing the gesture would clear it so I can make sense of what’s happening here.Think, Holly. Remember the reasons that you ended it last time.
“It didn’t work before. Jealousy got in the way,” I point out, my voice tight. “What would be different now?”
I know that jealousy is a huge issue for Clay, and he was always the one insisting he doesn’t share. What has changed in the space of a week?
Bear makes a hum of agreement that always makes my core clench, and despite the fact I’m completely overwhelmed, it stirs up old feelings.
“Before, we were vying for your affection, hoping you would pick one of us,” he explains, understanding clear in his expression. “Things would be different this time. Communication and honesty are going to be key going forward, and I’m sure there will be difficulties. However, as long as we talk through and agree what happens between us, then no one should feel excluded. No room for jealousy.”