“Wait, he kissed you?!” Ashley shrieks down the phone, making me wince. “He’s the one from the park?”
It’s been several hours since my interaction with Clayton, and I’ve calmed down enough now that I can actually think about what happened. Why did the whole interaction leave me feeling so frustrated and dejected? There is no denying that there’s a connection between us, but can I really trust myself when my instincts told me my ex, Jake, was the one for me? I have been left so broken by everything that happened with him that I’m not sure I can cope with a relationship with Clay. He’s so intense… Not to mention, a smug bastard. He’s got so much faith in himself that he thinks I’m just going to fall at his feet and beg him to kiss me? No way.
Of course, I needed my best friend’s input and Ashley was the first person I wanted to talk to. It’s turning out to be more complicated to explain than I had thought. Phone held to my ear, I pace the length of my apartment. “No,Bearis the one from the park. He’s not kissed me.” The urge to add ‘yet’ to the end of thatsentence is strong, but I manage to push through. I take a deep breath to focus my mind. “Clayton owns the club and was the one who kissed me. You’ve not met him yet. Besides, the kiss was the other day; today, he was trying to getmeto kisshim.”
“Why am I only just hearing about all of this now?” Her accusation should sting, but I hear the lightness in her tone and know she’s not really upset with me. “This Clayton, he’s one of the owners of the gym?” Before I even have the chance to answer, she’s sighing down the phone. “Man, you get all the luck. Maybe it’s time I get a gym membership,” she muses to herself.
This brings a smile to my face. Ashley has always maintained that gyms are actually halls of torture and that I would never see her in one. If there was ever a reason for her to change her mind, it would be because of cute guys. Bear and the others certainly fit in that category.
She’s probably just trying to make me smile, and it works, but not for long, my thoughts quickly turning back to the reason behind this conversation. Collapsing dramatically onto my comfy faded blue couch, I groan and drop my head into my hand, my other hand still holding my mobile.
“I made a fool of myself running away from Clay, andthenI was rude to Bear…” The words trail off and I shake my head at myself. I’m not exactly making the best impression to my new neighbours. Usually I’m not so quick to anger, but there is something about these guys that has me all confused. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Ashley snorts and with just that sound I can imagine the exact look on her face. In fact, I’m fairly sure I know what she’s about to say–
“You need to fuck someone.”
Yep, I was right. Most of Ashley’s solutions are solved by having sex. Bad day? Sex. Lost your job? Fuck someone. Cat died? One-night stand. It shouldn’t surprise me that she’s goingdown this route again. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last.
“Ash!” I chide, rolling my eyes, but I can’t deny that she’s brought a smile to my face.
“You’ll feel better after a good, old-fashioned shafting,” she continues, not bothered by my admonishment in the slightest. “It’ll help you get rid of all this pent-up energy you’re carrying.”
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. “You have such a way with words.”
“I missed my calling,” she agrees, and this time I do let out a small laugh. She waits for me to finish and I instantly feel the shift in her, even through the phone. “Seriously though, Hol. It’s been almost six months since Jake left. You need to get back out there.”
She says it as gently as she’s able to, but that doesn’t stop the pain that comes with thinking of my ex. Even the mention of his name causes an ache in my shattered heart. When he left, he took a part of me with him and I haven’t been the same since. That chasm inside me sometimes feels like a gaping black hole, pulling me towards it and promising oblivion. Fighting against it is exhausting. However, now I think about it, the pull hasn’t been as strong as it previously was. I used to think of Jake every minute of every day; now, I can go days without thinking of him. They say time heals all wounds – perhaps they are right. Three faces suddenly appear in my mind, bringing with them a sense of anticipation for what’s to come. Could they have something to do with the slow healing of my heart?
“Holly?” Ashley rarely calls me by my full name, and the softness to it snaps me back into reality. She’s still waiting for my reply. I’m grateful she’s given me a moment to take a deep breath and sort my thoughts, but I need to reassure her that I’m okay.
I sit forward and go to wipe the tears from my face – only, there aren’t any. I managed to get through mentions of Jake without crying. That in itself is huge progress for me. I can still hear Ashley waiting, so taking a deep breath and clear my throat. “Having a one-night stand with one of my neighbours doesn’t seem like the best idea when there is already competition between our businesses.” My voice sounds a little hoarser than I would care for, but otherwise I sound good.
“Firstly, they said they wouldn’t step on your toes,” Ash recounts over the phone and I can almost imagine her counting off her reasons on her fingers. “Secondly, who says it has to be a one-night thing?”
I can’t even think about a relationship with anyone right now, especially not one of the guys next door. Finally, I seem to be starting to move forward and jumping into something long-term is not what I need.
A knock sounds at the door and I stand with a sigh, my phone still pressed to my ear. “I’m not going to fuck them. The list of suitors is very small right now,” I insist to my bestie while reaching for the door. It’s probably one of the staff from downstairs or the postman, so I don’t bother to hang up. Swinging open the door, I find Bear standing in the entranceway wearing an amused expression.Oh, shit.
“Ashley, I have to go.” I quickly hang up and pray for a black hole to open up and swallow me whole.Play it cool.I need to act nonchalant, and as though I wasn’t just talking about him and his friends. My face doesn’t seem to get the message, though, and is on fire with embarrassment, which doesn’t help with anything. Reluctantly, I realise I need to tackle this head-on. “How much of that did you hear?”
“That there is someone on your no-fucking list.” He grins and leans against the doorway, his eyes sparkling with amusement.“Out of interest, is there a way to make sure one stays off that list?”
I can’t help but laugh even though I’m dying inside. He’s joking, of course, so there’s no way I’m answering that, especially with how awkward I’ve been around then recently. Which reminds me… “I’m really sorry for what I said to you earlier today. I was overwhelmed and–”
Stepping forward, he reaches out and brushes a strand of hair back behind my ear, startling me so much that my words come to a rapid stop. He smiles and shakes his head lightly. “Don’t apologise, I’m not easily offended.”
Gasping, I step back even though I want to do the opposite. What I would give to throw myself into his arms and smash my lips to his. However, that isnotwhat I should be thinking about, especially after what happened with Clay the other day. Blinking rapidly, I smile and gesture for him to come in, flustered beyond all reasoning.
He smiles and comes in closer, shutting the door behind him, sealing the two of us in together, totally alone. “I spoke with Clay to find out what he’d said to upset you earlier, and I wanted to check on you to make sure you are okay.”
This is going to be interesting.
“Oh boy, what did he say?” Again, I aim for nonchalance, but I am too tightly strung so I’m sure it comes across as anything but.
Glancing around the room, Bear wanders over to the sofa, where he perches on the arm, returning his full attention to me. “He’s pretty keen on you, and he’s not the only one.”
Wait. Is he implying that he’s interested in me? My face is on fire and I am pretty sure I resemble a tomato right now and my stomach is in a riot of butterflies. What am I, a teenager with her first crush? I have no idea how to respond. I have had one relationship in my life, so I’m not exactly experiencedwith flirting. Smiling, I chuckle awkwardly and turn towards the kitchen so I can hide my flaming face.