I let him see the mess of my home. Would he have stayed if I kept my shit together?
He saw me sick. Would he be here if I hadn’t let him see?
I made a mistake. Hedefinitelywould be here if I made the right choice.
Jade’s face appeared in front of me. “Stop it.”
“Wh-what?”
“I know what you’re doing. You’re going through all the things you could have done to be perfect.”
“But if it could’vehelped?—”
“No, Grace. Life isn’t perfect. We all mess up. You’ve done it. And it’s possible he’s doing it right now. You don’t have to take on the burden of fixing everything.”
I clenched my jaw to stop myself from saying “Yes, I do.” Jade wouldn’t want to hear that from me.
“Hang on,” Mollie interjected. “I know that look. You’re stopping yourself from saying something.”
“I-I’m not?—”
“Say it,” she said gently. “Even if it’s ugly. Even if it doesn’t help. You’re safe to say what you think.”
“Yes,” Jade said. “If you disagree, tell me. I wanna know.”
“I don’t want to?—”
“Start a fight and accidentally destroy things?” Wren asked. “I’ve been there and done that. With both houses and people, and then I rebuilt both of them.”
“Remember what I said?” Jade’s voice was softer than I’d ever heard it. “Life is messy. And we wanna see that. It’s just as important as the good stuff.”
Hearing my rough-and-tough best friend sound so kind broke me. All of their words did. It started with one tear and then a sob escaped my mouth. That was when the dam broke. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I said it all.
“I don’t want things to be messy!” I snapped. “Not for me, at least. If I can be better, then everyone’s happy with me. If I can be what they need, then I’m not taking away fromtheirproblems. Other people are more important. I’m supposed to be the one who handles it. And Ican’t. I’ve pushed myself for years, and Dean finally got me to stop, and now he’sgone.” All three of them were silent, so I continued. “He’s the only one who saw me. And he neededspace. How is that not my fault?” I put my head in my hands and sobbed.
A pair of arms wrapped around me. Then another. And then a third.
“Grace,” Mollie said, “you don’t have to take on all the burden here.”
“But I do.”
“We don’t know the whole story,” she said slowly.
Jade muttered, “I can’t believe you’re about to have medefending a man, but here I go. I’ve seen how Dean is with you. He saw that struggle. He knew you were doing too much. And he took some of it from you.”
“And where is he?”
“I don’t know, but have you ever considered that he’s doing the same thing you are? Hiding something so he doesn’t bother you?”
I blinked, pulling out of the hug. “I don’t want him to do that. I wanna help.”
“Join the club,” Wren said with a wry smile. At first, I thought she was talking about Dean. Had she always wanted to help him too?
But all of the women nodded along and their eyes were onme.
“Is that how you all feel?” I asked. “You just wanna help?”
“Yes.”