Red:what are you doing today
Joel:Skating. Natalia's making dinner. You?
Red:flew home. seeing dad
Joel:How is he?
Red:the same. worse. i dont know
Red:he called me bob today. thats his name
Joel:I'm sorry.
Red:yeah
Red:merry christmas
Joel:Merry Christmas.
Read 12:03 PM
December 27, 9:14 PM
Red:im in denver for the game
Red:can we meet after?
Joel:Can't.
Red:why
Joel:Competition prep.
Red:thats not for three weeks
Joel:Red.
Red:fine. forget i asked
Joel:It's not that I don't want to.
Red:sure
Read 9:47 PM
December 28, 2:18 AM
Joel:I do want to. That's the problem.
Read 2:34 AM
DECEMBER
Six months of this, and I still hadn't learned a damn thing.
Joel would show up in my phone like a brush fire. A week of texts that made me hard just seeing his name, messages I read in the locker room bathroom with my back against the stall door. Then nothing. Three weeks of checking my phone like some kind of twitch I couldn't shake, telling myself I wouldn't look, looking anyway.
The worst part was that I'd stopped being surprised. I just kept waiting.