I can barely catch my breath.
He’s still inside me, and he slides out slowly, bit by bit, until he’s gone.
My limbs feel weak and I slide downward, sitting on the floor for a moment, my back leaned up against the edge of my mattress.
His body is on display for me as he walks across the room to discard the condom. I watch his muscles move beneath his tattoos, every inch of ink across his skin feeling forbidden.
I’m dimly aware that this is a stolen moment.
This shouldn’t be happening.
But I take it all in while I can, gazing at his sculpted ass, his broad shoulders, and the intricate, giant, multicolored fox tattoo that stretches across his back. He’s a work of art.
He glances at me for a moment, his gaze raking over my body, still resting here on the floor like I just finished a marathon.
And I’m waiting for the worst.
After the night at the Zenith house, Sev shut down and left as fast as he could after he fucked my mouth. I expect the same here. I sit patiently, waiting for him to go.
He doesn’t say anything.
We don’t talk at all for a few beats, just breathing, and I start to feel like I have to be going crazy.
“What… what are you thinking?” I manage to ask, my voice raspy and a little embarrassing.
He runs his fingers through his hair. “That I want a shower.”
I blink and then nod, suddenly feeling like a bad host.
Not that I ever thought I’d be scrambling to host Sevan Berlant in the first place.
“Right. It’s just down the hall, on the left. The door with a big Crimson sticker in the center. There are clean towels in a stack near the corner.”
He’s already opening the door to leave before I finish my sentence. He doesn’t bother throwing on clothes, instead just heading out down the hall naked.
A minute later I hear the sound of the shower and I lie down flat on the floor, staring up at my ceiling.
The wordcrushspirals through my mind again like a falling snowflake, swirling around me. But I know now that it’s more than that.
I’m completely desperate for him, I realize, sitting there just-fucked and finally letting the thought into my own mind.
It’s bad, like all of this is.
But it’s the truth.
I want him in an ugly, reckless, completely unmanageable way. And if he ever discovers that I’m capable of even a shred of a feeling toward him, he’ll drop me like a lead weight in an instant.
Big fucking problem.
There’s no affection in him for you.
Remember that.
And know that this was nothing special to him at all.
10
Sev