“I’m glad you’re not cringing at me every goddamn minute.”
“Never.”
“I like it a lot better when you’re here,” he tells me.
Remember that’s fake, Niko.
Remember he just wants you so that he doesn’t feel alone.
The wine’s making it feel like he’s yours, but he’s not.
I pull in a breath and hold his hand in mine, massaging his palm.
“I like being here, too,” I tell him.
He pulls his lower lip between his teeth, then gives me a short nod. “Hey. Tell me the fucking thing.”
“Ollie…”
“You’re not pushing it off again. Just tell me. Why was Callum saying he saved your life?”
I swallow hard.
I look up, then back down at him.
I can see two of the freckles on his lower neck and all I want to do is lean in and kiss him there. Delay. Stay with him the way things are, right now.
But he’s giving me a look that breaks me apart inside.
And so I spill.
I start telling him my little sob story, knowing he may see me differently forever.
“I was on a hiking trip with Callum and a few of his friends. He claimed one of them was an agent, looking for new talent for his modeling agency. Once we got on the trip, I tried to ask the guy about opportunities, and Callum said it wasthe wrong timeto talk business. So he took me behind a ledge, called me a career climbing whore, and pushed me across a wet rock, and I slipped.”
“No,” Oliver whispers.
My throat feels tight as I explain the events of that day.
It feels surreal even talking about it. Like I’m describing someone else’s life.
I wave a hand through the air. “It was nothing. I barely got a scratch. But… I was hollow inside. Done withhimand the accumulation of his lies.”
“What happened?” Ollie whispers.
Something feels heavy behind my eyes. “So I, uh,drained a flask of vodka and then went to the edge of a waterfall cliff and jumped off, with no knowledge of what was below.”
I say it fast.
As if admitting something like that is easier if I spit it out quick.
It’s not easier.
“No.”
“I didn’t want to die. But when I drifted in and out of consciousness, seeing Callum’s face as he and his friends pulled me from the water… I knew something had to change. Because I felt like it would have been easier if I’d had that escape. Maybe not death, but even if I’d been gravely injured, I could be in the hospital and escape fromhim.”
It sounds so pathetic coming from my mouth.