Her prayer ended there, because she only wanted to thank God for the blessings in her life right now. Shedidn’t want to ask Him for anything, because she’d already begged for what she wanted.
And He’d answered.
She was supposed to talk, but she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to push Dawson further away, but God had told her to come talk to him. Not sit here in silence.
Caroline decided that when the right words came, she’d say them.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Dawson hated the tension between him and Caroline, and he hated that he hadn’t welcomed her with a smile and a kiss, and he absolutelyloathedthis silence between them.
“I can hear you not talkin’,” he finally said.
“I just—” Caroline cut off, perpetuating the not-talking she was doing.
“Just say what you came here to say.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “I came because God told me to come, and He told me to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say.”
Dawson smiled to himself, his eyes trained on the movement of his knife and the shavings falling to his feet. “God’s not giving you the words?”
“No.” She huffed out her breath. “He’s being very silent right now, and I’m—well, you know what? I’mtrying to give myself to God, the way Pastor Glover said to do weeks ago, so I’m just going to sit here and wait until He gives me the right thing to say to keep you in my life.”
Dawson looked up then, his hands coming to a stop. He glanced over to her, but Caroline had her eyes fixed on something out on the ranch.
“The silence between us has always been comfortable,” he said. “Because I just liked being with you. But this is uncomfortable.”
“Well, you’re going to have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable,” she said. “Because God told me to come talk to you, and I’m not leaving until I do.” She threw him a semi-scathing look and then went back to gazing out into the darkness.
Dawson went back to his whittling, though he was literally just shaving the stick down to nothing, the curls of shavings falling to the porch for him to clean up later.
A minute went by, then another. Finally, Caroline said, “Every time I came to your ranch, I’d toss something shiny out the window for Rocks to find.”
Dawson’s heartbeat accelerated as his surprise flowed through him. One, he sure liked being with Caroline, even if they were sitting in uncomfortable silence. He sure liked the sound of her voice, and he sure liked that he wasn’t out here alone, stewing in his own thoughts.
“No wonder he’s been bringing me quarters andrandom bits of metal.” He looked over to her. “Where did you even get those?”
She smiled at him, and there was his beautiful Caroline. “I never threw random metal onto the ranch,” she said. “I value my life, thank you very much.”
“What did you throw then?”
“Mostly coins,” she said. “Half of an old pocket watch I found on another ranch. Once, Judy made a shiny star out of some soda cans. I tossed one of those. Anything I thought would make you smile.”
Dawson could only stare at her.
“I can hear you not talkin’,” she teased.
Dawson finally cracked a smile and set aside his knife. His pulse ricocheted through his body, but he better tell her the truth. Dawson didn’t know how to do otherwise. “I was considering breaking up with you,” he said. “But every time I thought about it, my heart would start to scream, and I knew I couldn’t do it.”
Caroline wiped at her eyes, which made Dawson’s heart crack. “Did you cancel the Mississippi River Cruise?”
“No, ma’am.”
“I can feel the space between us,” she said. “I hate it. I didn’t think I’d like having someone so close, but it turns out, I do.” She shrugged, her tears slipping from one eye now. “And not just someone, Dawson Rhinehart, but you. I like havingyouclose to me.”
He got up and went to kneel in front of her. “I’m sorry for the distance.”
“If you need it, that’s fine,” she said. “I understand I’m a frustrating person from time to time, but I would really like a chance to give myself to God, and then you can decide if she’s not the right person for you.”