I need to get out before?—
Before—
I turn sharply, shoving through the crowd, my breath coming too fast, my pulse hammering in my ears.
I hear Joel’s voice behind me, but I don’t stop.
I don’t turn around.
I don’t dare let myself see his face.
Because if I do?—
If I see Joel looking at me?—
If I see what I think might be in his eyes?—
If he sees it mirrored in my own….
I’ll never be able to pretend I don’t know the truth.
I’ll never be able to take it back.
So I keep moving.
I push through the doors, into the hallway, into the cold—into anywhere but here.
I don’t let myself think.
I don’t let myself name it.
Because if I do?—
If I let the words form?—
Then I can’t undo them.
And I don’t know who I am if I admit what this is.
CHAPTER24
Joel
My heart is a jackhammer, pounding against my ribs as I strum the opening chords toAlways You.
This isn’t just a song.It’sthesong.
The one that’s been sitting in my chest, waiting for the right moment to be heard.And maybe now’s not the best time, but it’s the right one.Hell, it might be the only chance I get where she’s too bogged down by familial obligation to run.
God knows she won’t come to my performance tonight to hear it.
This song, it carries every unsaid thing between me and Anna.She has to hear it.She has to know…
I need her to.
I find her in the crowd the second I start singing.She’s still standing near the stage, arms crossed tight over her chest, chin up like she’s daring me to make her feel something.
I start singing, letting the words carry this thing that feels to big.